There was a moment of hesitation in which Lan Xichen could’ve chosen differently. He could’ve given A-Yao a tired smile and retired, leaving his sworn brother to deal with the explosion brewing under Mingjue’s skin. Xichen is drained to the point of exhaustion, dealing with sect politics and Uncle and Wangji…especially Wangji.
He just wanted to rest.
Instead, he pauses, closes his eyes, and breathes for a moment. Then he turns and follows A-Yao and Mingjue out.
(He would later wish dearly he didn’t.)
After Young Master Wei died, Wangji stopped talking to Xichen.
Wait, no, that’s not exactly true; Wangji stopped talking to everyone but the small child he brought back from who knows where (Xichen knew, he just didn’t want to think about it). He closed himself off, took the punishment the sect elders set, and walked it off. And then he walked out of Xichen’s life.
He thought he was right and Wangji was wrong, blinded by their sect’s curse of loving someone who didn’t deserve his devotion.
Now, though?
As Xichen listens with a hand on his mouth, eyes wide and horrified, and a ringing sound in his ears, he wonders who is the blind one.
How did he let this happen?
When did he turn his back on Mingjue, his oldest friend and confidant?
Oh, Wangji, he thinks as he swallows back bile and blinks tears from his eyes. I have been so blind.
When Mingjue roars and kicks A-Ya—no, Jin Guangyao down the stairs, Xichen doesn’t stop to think. He rushes to the platform and knocks Mingjue out with a combination of acupoints that should’ve never worked on someone like Mingjue unless he was severely incapacitated. Then he hauls his friend into his back, draws out Shuoyue, and speeds away. He keeps as low as possible to stay away from A—Jin Guangyao’s too-sharp eyes even though he knows the possibility of escaping with no detection is minimal.
Mingjue is a half-dead weight in his back, only his ragged breathing keeping Xichen going. He knows he should bring Mingjue straight to the healers but the mere thought of letting his friend out of his sight is unbearable. Can he trust his own healers? He thought he knew Guangyao, thought he could trust him, and yet—
Who can he trust?
The evening is clear and bright as Xichen pushes more power into his sword. He wants to get out of the open clear sky and into the safety of Cloud Recesses.
He wishes he’ll be fast enough.
He barely pauses at the gates, only says in a tight voice, ”Seal the mountain. No one leaves, no one is admitted. All jade tokens are revoked. Full-strength wards, now!”
The disciples on duty give each other startled looks, and then they bow in unison. ”Yes, Sect Leader.”
As Xichen flies up the path, he feels the wards snap in place and a wave of power sweeps over the Cloud Recesses as the full strength of wartime wards activate, forming a dome over the mountaintop. They’re not the wards the traitor Su She deactivated but a set of new, stronger, more adaptable wards Wangji helped to set in place.
He sees disciples exit their dorms and classrooms, curious and alarmed by the sudden change in the wards. He ignores them, flying toward his own quarters as fast as he’s able. Once in the safety of his home, he drops Mingjue into his bed and sags on his knees on the floor.
He made it.
Now, he has to keep himself and his family alive.
”Xichen, why did you raise the war wards?” Uncle asks as he steps into the Hanshi, only to stop short at the sight of Mingjue twitching and growling in his induced sleep.
”Uncle,” Xichen whispers, raising his head to look at him. He’s not sure what Uncle sees in his face but whatever it is, it makes him falter.
”We’ve been betrayed,” he says. ”I’ve been blind.”
Uncle’s face is thunderous. ”What do you mean?” he asks, but Xichen only shakes his head wearily.
”Get Wangji. We need to talk.”
Mingjue’s condition stabilizes after three days of almost continuous playing of Clarity—the correct version. Wangji and Uncle take care of the playing while Xichen searches the Forbidden Section of the Lan Library for a collection of songs he doesn’t want to find.
But he does.
So many things fall into place.
So many betrayals.
So many moments of willful ignorance.
Why didn’t Xichen demand to go with Wei Wuxian to where the Wen prisoners were kept?
Why didn’t Xichen demand to use Inquiry to make absolutely clear what happened in the prison camp—or at the Qiongqi path for that matter?
Why didn’t Xichen ever question what Guangyao was doing?
It takes three days for Jin Guangyao to arrive at the gates.
A disciple later brings Xichen the jade token he’d given away what seems like a lifetime ago, now only yet another sign of his gullibility.
Xichen can’t even look at it.
A day after Jin Guangyao was turned from the Cloud Recesses’ gates, Huaisang arrives. He doesn’t demand entry, instead hands over a letter to be delivered to Xichen.
The disciples on guard duty tell Xichen he seemed…satisfied.
The letter says, Thank you. And I’m sorry.
A week after the terrible moment Xichen witnessed between his two sworn brothers, Gusu Lan has called back all their disciples from the Lanling Jin territory.
The rumor says that Sect Leader Nie has suffered a near-fatal qi-deviation and recuperates in the Cloud Recesses with his little brother’s blessing.
The rumor says that Sect Leader Lan no longer smiles.
The rumor says that the Lan residence is on lockdown until further notice.
The rumor says that Gusu Lan is quietly preparing for war.
The rumors say a lot, considering the Lan rule against gossiping.
Xichen finds he no longer gives a damn about the rumors. He’s spent too much time thinking about appearances and propriety—and for what end?
Righteousness should be enough.
It will be.
(It has to be.)