”So, how do you feel about getting a cousin?” Wei Wuxian asked while peeling greens with A-Yuan, Lan Wangji, and Granny Wen. ”Peeling” was perhaps a slightly generous description since Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan were mostly fencing with the less limp greens while Granny Wen watched them with an indulgent smile on her face. (Lan Wangji was peeling the greens, although with that strange air of enjoying himself immensely because he was sitting next to Wei Wuxian. What a strange, strange man.)
A-Yuan stopped mid-parry and blinked, confused. ”What’s a cousin?”
”A small radish like you!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. ”But so small that they need time to grow.”
”Oh,” A-Yuan said. He frowned at the green he was holding and then continued the peeling—or at least tried to. Lan Wangji reached out and gently turned the green, guiding A-Yuan’s small hands to do the work properly.
Wei Wuxian shot a besotted look at him and planted a resounding kiss on his cheek, probably thinking it would embarrass Lan Wangji. The joke was on him, though, as Lan Wangji took his hand and pressed a gentle kiss on Wei Wuxian’s knuckles, rendering him into a blushing mess. Ha. Served him fucking right.
Luo Qingyang cleared her throat and turned to go. She had correspondence to take care of, no need to linger on watching the small, happy family. They weren’t even that cute (a lie).
Two days later, Luo Qingyang came upon A-Yuan on the radish patch. He was struggling with a bucket almost as big as him and when he failed to lift it, he burst into tears.
”Need help with the bucket?” Luo Qingyang asked.
Lifting his eyes, A-Yuan nodded. Damn, the kid was way too cute.
She sighed. ”Okay, where do you need the water?”
A-Yuan led her a bit to the side where the ground was still flat and pointed down. ”There.”
”Okay,” Luo Qingyang said and carefully poured water on the patch. She wasn’t sure why she was doing this but ever since they’d found a stream on the back hill of the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian had somehow figured out a talisman to both enforce the flow and purify the source, they weren’t exactly short on water. The patch looked barren but hey, she wasn’t a farmer, what did she know?
”We have to be careful,” A-Yuan said.
”Of course. And why?”
”My cousin is still so small,” A-Yuan said. ”They need to grow.”
”Your…cousin.”
”Mn,” A-Yuan nodded. ”A small radish!”
Luo Qingyang closed her eyes and bit her tongue. For fuck's sake, Wei Wuxian... She’d promised A-Qing she wouldn’t swear in front of A-Yuan but their resident demonic idiot surely made it hard at times. After a couple of deep breaths, she asked, ”Did your Xian-gege tell you where babies come from?”
”No,” A-Yuan said sunnily. ”Just my cousin!”
Well, at least not everything was lost.
It wasn’t like Wei Wuxian was an idiot.
No, he was. In many ways.
Anyway, the point was that Wei Wuxian’s particular strain of mad genius didn’t really bother with common topics like how to sell things or farm things or how to build a home and a life instead of just surviving on scraps. And it definitely didn’t bother with trivialities like how bodies work. Or perhaps he did—his recurring activities with Lan Wangji definitely told everyone just how well he knew how their bodies worked—but his knowledge didn’t translate to explaining it to others. Especially to kids.
Now, admittedly, it was understandable, considering A-Yuan was the only small child on Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian didn’t have that much experience with small children. With his Head Disciple background, he was probably more used to dealing with slightly older children who a) already knew how bodies worked and b) didn’t depend on Wei Wuxian for information. A-Yuan spent almost all his waking time with either Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, or both which meant there wasn’t that much variance in his early education.
Luo Qingyang was determined to change that.
So, perhaps there was such a thing as too much information?
Look, Luo Qingyang liked facts. She liked the solid knowledge of appropriate, tested, and correct information and how it applied to the world. Facts were her thing.
But…perhaps she should’ve consulted A-Qing before lecturing A-Yuan?
Maybe.
Probably.
Because that would’ve most likely saved her from A-Qing’s Disappointed Frown during the dinner. But how was she supposed to know that A-Yuan would fucking ask Lan Wangji that?
Said that being an innocent, eager question asked in a bright, hopeful A-Yuan voice.
”Wangji-gege, can you put a baby in Xian-gege? Can A-Yuan have a little brother or sister, please?”
Three things Luo Qingyang was acutely aware of:
One: A-Yuan most likely had more information on the human reproduction system than the majority of the adult population of the Cultivation world, and he was only three.
Two: One day, he would make an excellent big brother. Or a doctor. Probably both.
Three: She really, really didn’t need to know Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had a breeding kink. Really.
(Then again, she could only blame herself. Fuck.)