Leave The Cold Outside

Sleet poured down from the sky, cold, damp and unpleasant. It clung to Phil’s hair and slipped inside his collar, rousing shivers along his spine. He blew air through his nose and pulled his collar up, although it did little to fend off his misery.

He really, really missed his beanie, scarf, and mitts. Too bad he had overslept that morning and, when he had jolted up, he had literally run from his apartment and just snagged his coat on his way out. He had been late from work, something that happened extremely rarely, buried neck deep in urgent and even more urgent messages, fending off his fatigue and borderline panic with bad coffee. He hadn’t even eaten anything until 2:30 in the afternoon.

Holidays were always busy at work. SHIELD Securities was a middle-sized firm, specialized in discreet and ruthless, and hired only the most consummate professionals. It meant they had a steadily growing reputation, but it also meant their boss was an overzealous workaholic, demanding a lot from himself and even more from his employees. In English: to Director Nick Fury, consummate professionalism equalled nearly obsessive compulsive and anal retentive behavior. 

Good thing Phil was leaning strongly into that direction.

It was past ten in the evening. The street lamps cast their pale light in yellow circles, leaving everything outside the blobs of light in darkness. Phil was tired, hungry, and grumpy, well past his own limits, and nowhere near his comfort zone in terms of pushing himself. No matter they had been friends for over two decades, Fury was still an asshole, demanding him to stay in to finish the Stark contract. Christmas was just around the corner and Fury knew Phil wanted to get out of the city and to his parents. Even so, Phil knew the Stark deal was huge, and with sealing it, he had deserved a fat bonus and three weeks of paid leave. 

About time, if someone asked him.

His pocket vibrated again. Without even checking it, he knew he had at least seven messages from his mother and sisters, nagging him about work, and reminding him to call them as soon as he was out of the office. It was to be his first family Christmas in ages, and he was both nervous and happy about it. He had spent his previous Christmases either overseas, on an operation, or, on one memorable occasion, in a hospital, recovering from several broken bones and a ventilator-assisted pneumonia. That had been a fun year.

It wasn’t that Phil didn’t like family Christmases. He did, but the undercurrent of the ongoing ”Oh-still-nothing-you-should-really-find-yourself-a-special-someone!” tended to get on his nerves after a couple of days. He knew his family meant well and that they were genuinely concerned about him, but he hoped they would take it easy this year. The fact that he was the only son, let alone the only alpha in the family, didn’t really help.

A particularly big flake splatted on his brow, and Phil wiped his face, wrinkling his nose at the melting snow running into his eye. 

Usually, he enjoyed walking home and taking the chance to clear his mind about everything work-related, but today he wondered why the hell he hadn’t taken a cab.

He was about to turn the corner when the scent hit him. He blinked rapidly, trying to dissect the myriad of smells to decipher what — where — why, but what he caught first was the thing that hit him the most: an omega fearing for their life. Phil stopped mid-step, inhaled deeply, and, without a conscious thought, turned around to follow his instincts.

The divide to alphas, betas, and omegas was a leftover from the age of apes, and something that had managed to cling onto the human DNA despite evolution’s best attempts to get rid of it. Now, in the modern times, people strove to overcome their instincts with the help of cognitive therapy, herbal medicines, and meditation. Reverting to the more animalistic behavioral patterns was considered archaic and backwards. Of course, with the majority of the population being betas, ignoring instincts was was a relatively easy thing. For alphas and omegas, it was a bit different. 

Had Phil really tried, he probably could’ve stopped and called someone in. However, the reek of a terrified omega called something hardwired straight to his alpha hindbrain, and leaving never crossed his mind.

The pull in his guts guided him towards a narrow alleyway a bit to the side of his usual route home. The alley wasn’t particularly suspicious, but it had a dark corner in the back and as Phil entered it, he noticed that the way it curved held all sounds inside. The building walls didn’t have any windows facing down or even any backdoors to cafes or restaurants. 

It was, as it seemed, a perfect hidey-hole. 

Slowly, Phil crept forward. He briefly entertained the idea of drawing his service weapon, but then decided against it. The the omega’s distress call had him on edge, sharpening his senses and reflexes, and a gun might prove to be too much. 

Vaguely, he realized his control of his own control had slipped, and his alpha pheromones preceded him like a shield. It was unusual. Phil was known for his unflappable and steady presence, and, no matter what he had seen in his line of work, in SHIELD or in the Rangers, he usually had no difficulties keeping his alpha side under.

At first, the alley seemed deserted. There was no sound or movement, but the acrid stench of omega fear hung heavy in the air. Phil paused to take in his surroundings, trying to decipher where the smell came from. He sniffed but didn’t detect anyone else nearby. However, he stayed alert because lack of a rival alpha didn’t mean the perimeter was safe.

When his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw a dark shape in the corner, and he knew he had found the source of the distress.

”Hello?” He asked gently, making sure his scent projected calm and safe instead of aggression.

The huddled form didn’t answer, but Phil was quite sure he saw it shudder. At least they are alive, he thought, relieved.

”May I have your permission to approach?” He asked next, going for the formality of addressing an unknown omega in distress. 

Again, he didn’t receive a verbal answer, but he was sure he heard a soft gasp, followed by panting. 

Phil gritted his jaw. He knew that sound, he had heard it on missions often enough. There was a special cadenza in the breathing when a person was in severe pain, and it made his alpha side cringe.

Phil knew that approaching without an explicit permission was a slippery slope, but he also knew he had to help the omega. 

”My name is Phil,” he said as he slowly approached, steadily projecting calm. ”I’m here to help you. Are you hurt?”

The lump started to tremble. Phil drew closer, careful to keep himself on the wall side, keeping the way off the alley open. 

”I’m going to touch you on the shoulder, alright?” He warned softly and reached out.

The omega jerked violently at the touch, letting out a pained gasp. 

Surprised, Phil raised his hands in a placating motion. He leaned his back on the wall and slid to squat. It was uncomfortable, but probably not as much as the heap the omega was still in. He ducked his head a bit, trying to get a look at the eyes.

Up close, the smell of fear mingled with blood and filth, and Phil got a glimpse of a matted, grimy, short hair, a gaunt male face, and eyes wide with terror. Phil scrunched his nose in distaste at the putrid smell and wondered, how strong it was to the omega who had spent who knew how long covered in dirt.

”If you’re hurt, I need to take you to the hospital,” Phil tried.

That got a reaction: The omega scooted backwards, shaking his head frantically.

Phil blinked. ”Alright… so, no hospital then,”  he conceded. 

The omega’s fear had spiked, making Phil jittery. He bit his lip, considering his options.

”The hospital would be the most logical choice, but I’m not going to force you if you don’t want to go,” he said aloud. ”You’re clearly in need of medical attention, but if hospital is out of the question, I should at least take you to an omega shelter.”

That also resulted in a panicked refusal.

”What then? I can’t leave you here, it’s not safe,” Phil said, frustration bleeding into his voice. ”Do you have any friends or relatives I could contact?” 

Then Phil paused for a moment as the realization hit him. He closed his eyes, and let out a breath. ”You are unmated, right?” 

The omega flinched and tried to curl up into an even smaller bundle in attempt to either make himself smaller or shield his vulnerable parts. Fear rolled off of him in thick waves and he was shivering, even though he probably tried his damnedest to stop it. It was enough of an answer for Phil. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He was exhausted and had no idea what to do, and the way his alpha side was stirring did nothing to help him to clear his mind.

He needed help.

Slowly, telegraphing his moves to not spook the omega, he dug out his phone. ”I’m going to call a friend, okay? I’ll put the phone on speaker so that you can hear everything.”

He ignored the text messages and punched the number, knowing it would connect despite the hour.

”Coulson? What the hell are you calling me for? You’re on vacation!”

Phil shot an apologetic smile at the omega. ”Nick, I need some advice. You’re on speaker.”

There was a pause, then Fury’s voice called out, a bit more cautious. ”What’s going on, Phil?”

Phil drew breath. ”I’m currently in an alley about a block from my home. I’m in the presence of an abused, unmated omega. He is in need of a medical assistance, but he refuses to be taken to a hospital or an omega shelter. I have a reason to suspect he believes neither place is safe.”

Fury was silent for a moment. ”You’re certified and tested, Phil. Take him home,” he finally said.

”But— I can’t!”

”For fuck’s sake, Phil!” Fury sighed. ”You’re a good alpha and a decent human being. I know you. You’d never abuse your power on someone vulnerable, and you sure as hell can’t leave a distressed omega in an alley. Check in on Omega Regs and go home.”

Phil shook his head. ”Fine. Can I use you as a voucher?”

”Go ahead. Keep me posted, okay? Merry Christmas, motherfucker.” Without a further ado, Fury ended the call.

Phil sighed and shot a look at the omega who was staring at him, wary and ready to bolt. 

”That was my boss who also happens to be my friend. What he suggested is… well, not usual, but it’s something I can do, if you let me. I have been registered as a certified emergency alpha for over a decade, even though it’s been a long time since my services were last needed. But I take my tests regularly just to be on the safe side.”

He sighed and shook his head. ”I have to admit that I don’t like the idea, simply because I don’t think I’m the right person to help you. But if you allow me, I’ll take care of you.”

The omega dropped his eyes, but it was less of a submissive gesture and more a pose of frantic thinking. Phil resisted his urge to shift and waited him out.

Finally, he raised his eyes to meet Phil’s and gave a tiny nod.

Phil let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in. ”Alright. I need to make another phone call.” 

His phone felt slippery in his wet hands, but after some fumbling, he managed to google the correct contact. Before he hit ”call,” he asked, ”I don’t know your name. What should I call you?”

The omega bit his lip and blinked, and his eyes darted around. Phil wasn’t surprised. Adding more calm into his scent, he gently said, ”You don’t have to give me your real name if you don’t want to. I’d just like to have a name I can use.”

For a moment, nothing happened as the omega just stared at him. Then he reached a decision and shoved his left hand towards Phil. At first, Phil didn’t understand, then he saw a small bird tattoo on the inside of the other man’s wrist.

”Is this a… hawk?” He asked, leaning a bit forward, hovering his hand over the tattoo. ”Would you like me to call you Hawk?”

The omega nodded seriously.

Phil smiled. ”Thank you, Hawk,” he said warmly, noticing the way the omega blinked and went oddly softer at the small praise.

Giving Hawk some space, Phil called the Omega Registration Office to inform he had taken custody of an unmated, distressed omega. He gave out his personal info, rattled his certification details and the date of his latest testing, and provided Fury as his voucher. He was diligent and truthful, providing all information, no matter how inane or ridiculous it sounded. He was a man of rules, after all.

However, when the officer on the other end of the line asked if the omega had any distinguishing marks, Phil hesitated. He glanced briefly at Hawk who had frozen, and decided to go with his gut feeling.

”No. No specific scars, tattoos, piercings, or other marks.”

The look in Hawk’s eyes was as shocked as anything Phil had ever seen.

”Thank you, Sir,” the officer said. ”Please contact us if there are any changes in your situation. Merry Christmas.”

”Merry Christmas to you too,” Phil answered.

With a groan, he pushed himself up and stretched, hearing a series of pops from his spine. He was probably going to pay for this one later with a stiff back. He was getting way too old and tired to squat in a cold ground for any extended period of time.

Keeping his pose and scent as unthreatening as he could to avoid imposing and spooking the omega, he turned slightly towards Hawk. ”Can you get up?” He asked. 

Hawk grimaced, nodded, and started pushing himself up. Phil watched, worried, as the omega straightened himself agonizingly slow, gasping for breath and trembling as he finally was standing. Then he gritted his jaw, took a tentative step with his right leg, and went down with a garbled cry of pain. 

His alpha side flared and Phil made his decision in an instant. He knelt beside Hawk and scooped him into his arms.

”You can’t walk, so I’ll carry you.” 

When Hawk started to squirm to get away, Phil let a hint of his alpha voice out. ”Stop,” he ordered. ”Stay still, or you’ll fall and hurt yourself. My place is only a short distance away.”

He had barely managed a couple of words when Hawk went completely boneless. If Phil hadn’t held onto him tight because of the squirming, he would’ve been dropped to the ground. Phil’s mind went blank at the suddenness and magnitude of the change his alpha dominance had initiated. It was too complete, too mindless, and it hinted way too clearly what had been done to Hawk.

Setting his jaw, Phil strode through the sleet, pushing back his frantic thoughts. He had to concentrate on being calm and safe, keeping his alpha side strictly under a lid. In his arms, Hawk was limp like a rag doll, his head lolling from side to side. He didn’t reek of distress and terror anymore, but instead his scent was dull and resigned, and it twisted something in Phil’s chest. 

He wanted it gone.

If someone asked Phil later how, exactly, did he manage to carry a grown man into his apartment, he wouldn’t know how to answer. The short trip of one and half blocks followed by stairs to the third floor of his apartment building went in a blur, the only thing in his mind being hurry — safety — protect, as he curled Hawk against his chest.

When he opened the door, the flat smelled of stale air and dust, and, for a moment, Phil felt embarrassed about the sad state of his home. It felt cold and, instead of a proper home, it looked like just some place he went to sleep and shower. A hollow space.

With a shake of his head, he pushed the feelings away. He wasn’t about to bring Hawk into his home to court him, but to keep him safe. For that, his apartment was more than enough.

”I’m sorry about the mess,” he said anyway, as he gently lowered Hawk on the couch. ”I haven’t been home that much lately.” 

Hawk flailed, and with a jerky move, tried to slide on the floor. Phil caught him halfway down and helped him to sit properly. Hawk flinched at the touch but didn’t look at Phil. His scent was a confused mess of fear, submission, and hope. 

Slowly, telegraphing his moves, Phil knelt in front of him.

”Let me make something clear here,” Phil said carefully, his scent a steady cloud of calm and safe. ”I don’t expect anything from you. I brought you into my home because you’re clearly injured and afraid, and you refused medical care. You can shower and eat, and I have a spare bedroom you can bolt from the inside to sleep safe.”

Hawk frowned. He didn’t look especially convinced, but there wasn’t much Phil could do about it at the moment. He decided to continue in the same, carefully clinical manner.

”I will help you to the bathroom now. You can wash up and change into some clean clothes while I make us something to eat. I’ll take a look at that ankle before you go to bed.”

He contemplated whether he should pick Hawk up again or not, but the omega made the decision for him as he struggled to get up on his own. Phil made a mental note about the stubbornness as he wrapped his arm around Hawk’s waist to help him take the weight off from the injured leg, and ignored the ugly twist in his gut when Hawk flinched at the touch. 

What the hell has been done to you? Phil thought, although he really didn’t want to know.

It was more than clear that the one-legged hobbling was painful and exhausting, but Hawk gritted his teeth, stifled the gasps of pain, and soldiered on. 

Phil’s apartment wasn’t a big one, but once they reached the bathroom, Hawk was pale and trembling from the exertion. Phil helped him to sit on the edge of the bathtub and turned to rummage for spare towels and a bathrobe.

”You have permission to use whatever soaps and shampoos you want,” he said, nodding at the stuff on the shelves.  ”I’ll be in the kitchen. Call me when you’re ready.”

He glanced at Hawk and was stopped by a raised brow.

”Ah, right,” Phil remembered, slightly embarrassed. He didn’t know why Hawk didn’t talk, but that info could wait for later. 

”Um… can you throw the shampoo bottle on the bathroom door when you’re done? The bottle is plastic so it won’t break.”

Hawk shrugged and snorted a breath that sounded an awful lot like ”Du-uh.” 

Phil nodded. ”Then I’ll wait for your… notification,” he said with a small smile. ”Are you allergic to anything?”

Hawk frowned and shook his head slowly.

”I think I have the ingredients for grilled cheese and omelets,” Phil mused. ”It’s not much, but at least it’s hot and filling.” He closed the door on Hawk’s stupefied stare, hoping the omega would be alright in the shower. 

In the bedroom, he changed quickly into clean (and dry!) clothes, then rummaged his closet for spares for Hawk. He dug out worn, soft pajamas, clean underwear, a hoodie, and a pair of thick, woollen socks his mom had knitted for him years ago. They were a hideous purple, but they were unbelievably warm, which was the reason Phil had saved them in the first place. Also, like his mom, Phil firmly believed that warm feet would make one feel better as a whole, and he had an inkling that Hawk hadn’t felt good for a while now.

With the bundle of clothes under one arm, he went to check the guest bedroom. It was a bit dusty for disuse, so he opened the window to air it a bit, and put the clothes on the bed to wait for Hawk. The sheets were clean and the blanket was thick, but something tugged his memory, and he dug yet another blanket on the bed. Sometimes distressed omegas wanted to curl inside a pile of blankets, and if a second blanket would help Hawk to sleep, so be it. 

Taking an assessing look around the room, he went to close the window, and finally checked that the lock on the door worked properly.

As he walked into the kitchen, he heard the shower was still on. At least he didn’t have to worry about his hot water, as one of the perks of living in a SHIELD issued apartment was unlimited water supply. Humming under his breath, he went to fetch the first aid kit and put it by the couch to wait. 

Keeping a half-ear on the bathroom, he started the dinner. His fridge was pitifully empty as usual, but he had a carton of eggs, some still-edible bell peppers, and enough bread and cheese to make grilled cheese for both of them. To his delight, he realized the milk was still drinkable, and he decided to make some hot chocolate. He had a hunch that Hawk would like it.

Phil had everything prepared to finish when he heard the telling thunk on the bathroom door. He took away his apron, dried his hands, and walked to the bathroom door, knocked, and called, ”It’s me. I’m coming in now.”

The bathroom was full of steam and felt like a Turkish bath. Hawk was sitting on the toilet seat, curled inside the bathrobe, eyeing Phil warily. His hair was sticking up in all directions and his skin was flushed red from the hot water. With all the grime gone, he looked younger — except for the eyes that were too weary and haunted even for someone of Phil’s age.

”I have clothes waiting for you in the spare bedroom,” Phil said calmly from the door. ”If you allow me to, I’ll help you there now.”

Slowly, Hawk gave him a nod, and Phil gave an internal sigh of relief. 

He stepped forward and helped Hawk up, and slowly, they made their way to the guest bedroom. Phil didn’t miss the way Hawk stumbled at the doorway or the widening of his eyes as he took in the room, the extra blanket, and the pile of clothes on the bed.

”Can you make your way to the bed yourself?” Phil asked. ”Because if you can, you’ll be able to lock the door after me,” he explained.

Hawk’s eyes darted around the room as he thought, and then he nodded.

”Good,” Phil said with a smile. ”I’ll go and finish the dinner. Come out when you’re ready.” He turned around and gave a satisfied nod when he heard the lock click behind him. 

He had just flipped the first omelet when he heard the door open.

”Just a minute,” he called and removed the pan from the heat. 

When he turned around, he saw Hawk standing awkwardly by the door, fidgeting with the hem of the hoodie. He was about the same size as Phil, but significantly undernourished, and he seemed to drown in Phil’s clothes. Nevertheless, seeing Hawk in his clothes made Phil’s alpha side flare with heat, saturating the air with his want. He was too slow to rein it in, and in an instant, Hawk dropped on his knees.

”Shit!” Phil cussed under his breath and hurried to the omega’s side.

As Phil approached, Hawk raised his head, blinking slowly. Phil felt nauseous about the vacant look in his eyes and the way Hawk let his mouth drop open and his jaw go slack. The position couldn’t be even remotely comfortable with the injured ankle, but Hawk kept himself still as he had undoubtedly been trained — or more likely conditioned — to do.

Going on gut instinct, Phil dropped on his knees in front of Hawk and gently guided his forehead to lean on Phil’s shoulder. Hawk’s body stayed tense, but Phil ignored it for the moment, concentrating on keeping himself calm and centered. He wrapped his arm loosely around Hawk, more to support him than to draw him near, and raised his hand to gently scratch the nape of his neck.

”I’m sorry,” he said quietly. ”I didn’t mean that to happen. I won’t deny that seeing you in my clothes aroused me, but I meant what I said: I’m not expecting anything from you. I didn’t bring you in to please me, but to keep you safe.”

Hawk shuddered, breathing rapidly. 

Phil kept on scratching his neck, in no hurry to move. He was angry at himself for not anticipating both his own and Hawk’s reaction. He should’ve known better to be prepared! He was supposed to be better than that. With an effort, he forced himself calm, closed his eyes, and concentrated on keeping his own breathing steady, in case Hawk needed something to match his own breathing to.

After a long while, when Phil’s knees were already killing him, Hawk let out a slow breath and raised his head from Phil’s shoulder, keeping his eyes downcast as he withdrew from the embrace. Phil let go immediately, but otherwise didn’t move, wanting Hawk to initiate the transitions. 

As Phil tilted his head a little to steal a glimpse of Hawk’s face, his eyes fell on a set of faded scars on Hawk’s neck. They looked like bite marks. He gritted his jaw and fought to keep his scent as calm as he could. Some asshole had tried to force a mating — several times, if the multitude of teeth marks were anything to go by. 

No wonder Hawk had automatically gone on his knees at the smell of Phil’s alpha desire.

Swallowing down his fury, Phil asked softly, ”Are you ready to eat now?” 

Hawk gave a small nod. He didn’t raise his head when Phil helped him up and guided him to sit at the table, or when Phil finished preparing the dinner and set the plate with an omelet and grilled cheese and the steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of him. 

Hawk frowned, but didn’t look at Phil.

”Yes, it’s all for you,” Phil said at Hawk’s baffled look. ”After you’ve eaten, I’ll take care of your ankle. It’s swollen, but I don’t think it’s broken.” Phil paused. ”Speaking of which…”

He turned to dig a bottle of painkillers from the cupboard and put it beside Hawk’s plate.

”It’s unopened. Take two now, and two right after you wake up. You can keep the bottle with you.”

Phil turned back towards the stove to flip his own omelet, and when he turned towards the table with his plate, the bottle was gone.

They ate in silence, Hawk concentrating on his food and Phil trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. 

It had been a long time since he had had an omega in his space like this, and even longer since he had last cared for one. SHIELD didn’t leave him much free time for a personal life, and frankly, he was at a loss. On the other hand he had always been good in controlling himself, channeling his alpha side on his work rather than relationships. On the rare occasion it wasn’t enough, he had visited the clubs or set up an appointment with some of his old contacts. 

He stole a glance at Hawk over his forkful of omelet. Even though his current state didn’t exactly compliment him, Phil could admit the man was cute in a ruggedly handsome way, and with a bit care, he would easily be very attractive. Phil had always leant more towards males anyway, although he was attracted to both men and women. However, this certainly wasn’t the time for experimenting with compatibility. Not when the power imbalance was so drastic.

Towards the end of their meal, Phil noticed how Hawk started drooping. He had eaten most of his food and drank all the chocolate, but he was having serious trouble in keeping his eyes open. When his fork clattered against the plate for the third time, Phil decided it was enough.

”You can leave the leftovers, I’ll take care of them,” he said and stood up. ”Okay, let’s get your ankle sorted out.”

Looking at the exhausted Hawk, Phil got the first aid kit from the living room and took it into the kitchen. It would gain them nothing, forcing Hawk to first hobble into the couch and then to bed. It was a lot easier to treat his ankle right there in the kitchen and then tuck Hawk in.

The right ankle was swollen and red, but just like Phil had guessed, it wasn’t broken. Trying to be as careful as he could, Phil bandaged it into an anatomically correct position, apologizing for the pain as he worked. Hawk stayed silent apart from occasional hiss of pain, but from the way he clenched his hands into fists, Phil saw how much he still hurt. 

He didn’t want to think about how Hawk had learned to keep silent while in pain.

”There. If it’s too tight, take it off. I’ll check it in the morning again,” Phil said and gave Hawk a small smile. ”Would you like to get some sleep now?”

Hawk scrutinized him for a moment, then gave a cautious nod and let Phil help him up. He didn’t want to use bathroom, so Phil snagged an unopened bottle of water along, helped him to the guest bedroom, showed him how to bolt the door, and bade him goodnight.

”Don’t forget to take the painkillers when you wake up,” he reminded before he turned and closed the door behind him. 

The clock clicked and the bolt slipped to place, but unable to curb his alpha side, Phil stood listening until he heard the bed creak slightly. Satisfied that Hawk had made it to bed, he went to clean up the kitchen, not realizing he was wearing a contented smile.

When he went to bed, he checked his phone and groaned when he saw the five more messages and the three missed calls on his locked screen. It was already past midnight so he didn’t call his mom, but he did send Fury a message, confirming that the omega was alright and that he himself was okay too. 

Making a mental note to call his mother first thing in the morning, Phil went to bed. He fell asleep immediately, feeling a lot more relaxed than in ages.

In the next morning, Phil woke up to the buzzing of his phone. Groggy, he fumbled to grab it, nearly dropping it on the floor.

”’Lo?” He answered, embarrassed and slightly out of breath.

There was a pause, then Mom’s amused voice asked slowly, ”Phillip Coulson, what on earth happened to you?”

Phil winced. ”Hi Mom… Sorry about the missed calls. I was about to call you as soon as I woke up.”

”I don’t care about the calls. Or, well, I do, but I’m more concerned about you. I hope you’re not working?”

Phil rubbed his face and sat up on the bed. ”No, I’m not working, I’m on vacation.” 

”Really?” His mother’s tone was somewhat incredulous. It wasn’t a surprise, considering this was Phil’s first vacation in years. ”Well, that explains why you’re still in bed at 10 am.”

Phil’s heart missed a beat. ”It’s 10 already? Shit!”

”Excuse me?”

”Ah, sorry about the language,” Phil said automatically. It didn’t matter he was over forty and an alpha, Mom’s reaction to his swearing always made him want to grovel. 

He scrambled up and started hastily pulling on some clothes. ”It’s… um…”

”Phil, sweetheart, did you finally get laid?”

The genuine happiness in his mom’s voice made him pause. ”I— what?” 

He heard excited chattering from the background, closed his eyes, and took a steadying breath. ”Mom? Mom? No, I didn’t get laid and I’m not going to.”

”Oh. I’m sorry.”

”Mother, stop,” Phil said sternly, letting a sliver of alpha into his voice. 

He usually avoided using his alpha voice at all. He preferred to solve his disagreements with normal talk, not with enforcing genetically encoded power dynamics — especially with his own family. However, this time he thought the end justified the means. He could apologize to Mom later.

Because his mom was a beta, the effect of the alpha dominance wasn’t as drastic as it would’ve been if she was an omega. She stopped mid-word anyway, then asked sharply, ”What happened?”

”I took an unmated omega in last night,” Phil said quietly, struggling his socks on while squeezing his phone between his ear and shoulder. ”I found him distressed and terrified in the nearby alley. He refused medical attention, and I didn’t know what else to do. I just couldn’t leave him there!”

”Of course you couldn’t,” Mom agreed calmly. ”Did you inform the authorities?”

Phil sighed and stood up. ”Yes. I called Nick and informed the Omega Registration Office,” he said as he walked into the kitchen to make coffee. ”But I don’t think I can make it home for Christmas, Mom.”

”Why not?”

”I can’t just leave him here. It’s not safe.”

”Then take him with you,” Mom said, like it wasn’t a big deal.

”It’s not that simple,” he tried patiently.

Mom snorted. ”Of course it is, unless you make it complicated.”

Phil closed his eyes and counted to ten. He loved his mother, but there were times when she just didn’t understand how things worked. The dynamics between an alpha and an omega was one thing they disagreed more often than not, Phil saying things were complicated and Mom calling him an outdated prude. 

”What’s his name?” Mom asked the same time as Phil sensed Hawk behind him and turned around to see terrified eyes staring back at him. The smell of his fear made Phil’s eyes water.

”Hawk,” Phil breathed out. He hadn’t heard the guest bedroom door open, and the omega had managed to sneak up on him.

”Hawk? What kind of a name is that?” Mom huffed, but Phil ignored him. He saw the way Hawk tensed and his eyes started frantically looking for a way out. Phil could only wonder what he was thinking about, hearing Phil talking about him on the phone like that.

”Hawk, listen. I’m talking to my mother,” Phil said, trying to play for time and soothe the scared omega. He lowered the phone to the table and turned the speaker on. ”Mom, you’re on speaker now.”

”Oh,” Mom breathed. Then she said, gently, ”Hello Hawk.”

The omega stayed frozen by the guest bedroom door, but his eyes snapped on Phil’s phone.

”My mother was asking why I wasn’t coming home for Christmas,” Phil explained gently.

”And I asked him to bring you along. Only if you want to, of course. It’s no bother: we have a big house and usually enough food to feed the whole neighborhood.”

Hawk was still staring at the phone like it was about to jump him.

”I said it’s not that simple,” Phil reminded.

”And I say Phil’s being a spoilsport again,” Mom chided. ”But I mean it. You’re welcome too Hawk, if you want to. It’s your decision.” She paused for a moment. ”I’ll talk to you later, Phil.”

”I— sure.”

When the call ended, Hawk’s eyes stayed zeroed on the phone. When Phil moved it a bit to the side to make room for breakfast, they darted to Phil’s. 

Phil couldn’t read anything from them.

”She’s usually quite determined, my mother,” Phil said with a wan smile. ”She’s used to getting her way.”

Hawk cocked his head and frowned. Phil decided to take a chance and turned to continue making breakfast like the phone call was a common occurrence in his kitchen. 

”She’s a beta,” Phil explained with his back to Hawk, as he loaded the coffee maker. ”My both parents are, as is my older sister. My younger sister is an omega, which makes me the only alpha in our family.” 

He opened the fridge and frowned. ”Omelets for breakfast?”

Hawk nodded and hobbled warily to sit at the table. Sensing his touch wasn’t wanted, Phil didn’t offer to help him this time.

”My both sisters are married with kids. Julia — that’s my older sister — has two daughters, and Anne has one girl and three boys, all under ten. Sometimes I don’t understand how she manages them all,” he huffed with a fond grin. 

”Julia’s husband is a beta too, and Anne has an alpha husband. We were all quite surprised about it since she had vowed never to mate with an alpha. I think it had something to do with me being a ’bull-headed alpha idiot,’ like she called me throughout her teenage years.”

Phil wasn’t sure why exactly he offered the information up, but chatting about his family put him at ease, and he hoped it would also soothe Hawk. He didn’t dwell on his wish that it might also make Hawk amiable to decide on coming with him. 

As awkward it was, Phil couldn’t help the way his alpha side wanted to take Hawk home for Holidays. He could, however, damn well ignore it.

They ate in companionable silence, and afterwards, Phil checked Hawk’s ankle. With a small smile, he saw the omega was still wearing the purple socks. As hideous as they were, they looked good on him. 

To Phil’s satisfaction, the swelling had come down and Hawk didn’t seem to be in as much pain as he had been the previous night. The ankle was far from healed, though, and would need supporting for some time to let the tissue heal properly.

As he was re-bandaging the ankle, Phil noticed Hawk watching him closely.

”Yes, Hawk?”

The eyes flickered from him to the phone and back.

”Are you thinking about the phone call?” Phil asked.

Hawk bit his lip and nodded. Then he nudged his bandaged foot on Phil’s hand and tipped his head towards the phone.

Phil frowned, trying to decipher what Hawk meant. ”You want to go?” He ventured.

Hawk blinked and shook his head. He nudged Phil again and nodded at the phone.

”You mean I should go? Alone?”

Hawk nodded.

”And leave you here? I don’t think so.”

Hawk deflated, averted his eyes, and ducked his head. He tried to curb in his scent, but Phil could taste the ashen flavors of his bitterness and disappointment anyway.

”No, I mean…” Phil huffed out a frustrated breath and gathered his thoughts. 

”My mother calls me an outdated prude, you know?” Phil shrugged and gave Hawk a rueful smile. ”In a way, she’s right: I take my alpha designation very seriously. By that I mean that when I took you under my guardianship, I took responsibility of you. I don’t want to leave you here alone — not because I don’t trust you or don’t think you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself, but because I couldn’t look after you.”

Hawk raised his head to stare at him with incredulous eyes.

”To me, being an alpha is about protection and responsibility,” Phil explained. ”It’s my duty to make sure you feel good, that you’re safe. I couldn’t enjoy my time with my family if I was worried about you.”

Phil blinked and realized he was still holding Hawk’s foot. Slightly embarrassed, he cleared his throat and gently lowered it down, ignoring Hawk’s bemusement.

”My mom meant what she said: it’s your decision. I won’t force you to go if you feel uncomfortable, but you also shouldn’t feel obliged to go if you don’t want to.” Phil shook his head fondly as he stood up. ”My family means well, but they can be quite a handful.”

Slowly, he made his way to pour himself another cup of coffee, leaving Hawk to think things through in peace. The decision didn’t take very long, because when Phil turned around with his coffee, he was once again pinned down by Hawk’s piercing stare. 

The omega took a deep breath, pursed his lips, and seemed to brace himself. He pointed at Phil, then at himself, and nodded.

Carefully, Phil took a sip of his coffee. ”Do you mean that you want us to go?” He asked slowly.

Hawk swallowed and nodded. He looked tense, but he didn’t smell terrified. That, at least, was a relief.

”Alright,” Phil said easily. ”It will be a six to seven hours ride in a car. With me. Are you okay with it?”

Hawn nodded again, more sure now.

”Alright,” Phil repeated, pushing down the elation his alpha side felt. ”I’m going to call my mom now,” he said and picked up his phone. He put it on speaker without even thinking.

”I really hope you’re both coming,” Mom said as a greeting.

”Yes, we’re both coming. We’re driving so we’ll be there late, and no, you can’t talk to him.”

”I didn’t ask to,” Mom huffed.

”You were thinking about it. We’re leaving in an hour, I think. I’ll call from the way.”

”I hope you’re not taking Lola,” Mom worried. ”She’s not equipped —”

”No, Mom, I’m not taking Lola,” Phil interrupted with a fond eyeroll, missing the confused look on Hawk’s face. ”I’m perfectly aware that she’s not a winter car. I have a perfectly good, safe, and boring SHIELD SUV in my disposition. I’ll call you when we’re closer.”

After the call Phil started to plan the route and what to pack with them, absently wandering into his bedroom with Hawk hesitantly hobbling behind him. 

Because he had been on the run and living in the streets for God knows how long, Hawk didn’t have any clothes except for the tattered and torn ones he had been wearing the previous night. Effectively, that meant that Phil had to find him enough clothes for the trip from his own closet. Fortunately, he had had time to do his laundry a couple of days back, which meant they’d both have enough clean clothes to pack with.

Picking out his own set of clothes was easy, choosing for Hawk turned out to be more tricky than he would’ve guessed. It was almost like every piece he considered had something wrong or missing: either it was too coarse, too thin, too heavy, or… somehow not enough. 

He nearly groaned out loud as he realized what his alpha side was doing. This isn’t the time for courting, he tried to remind himself sternly, and focused on picking out sensible, worn, and soft clothes for Hawk.

As he was sorting through his spare jackets, trying to find something warm enough for Hawk, he sensed the omega hovering by the door.

”You’re welcomed in, Hawk,” he said calmly. ”I already picked my of clothes in a separate pile to the left. I have something sorted out for you, but you are free to check the drawers if there’s anything else you’d like. Or, I can just pack your things, if that’s okay by you?”

Hawk hobbled in, hesitant and shy, as if he wasn’t sure he really was permitted in an alpha’s space. He blinked at the open closet and drawers and the pile of clothes on the bed. Then Phil saw his eyes go wide with wonder when he saw something that piqued his interest. 

Phil turned to follow his line of sight and spied a splash of color on the bottom of a drawer. It was the deep purple jumper Mom had given it to him as a birthday present years ago, and Phil had almost forgotten all about it. It was high quality Merino blend, but the color was nowhere near his favorite, and it had ended up stuffed in the back his closet. 

Hawk inched closer and reached out for it, almost reverently, then snagged his hand back as if burned.

Phil stifled a smile. ”Do you like the color?”

Hawk nodded shyly and bit his lip, eyes still strained on the jumper.

Slowly, Phil walked around him, took the jumper, and handed it to Hawk. ”Please, take it. I got it from my mother years ago, but I’ve never used it. Purple is not my color at all.”

Hawk shook his head and tried to back away, but Phil wouldn’t have any of it. 

He practically pushed the jumper in his hands. ”I want you to have it,” he said seriously, looking Hawk straight in the eye.

Hawk swallowed and nodded hesitantly, clutching the jumper against his chest.

Phil smiled. ”Thank you,” he said warmly, and tried to ignore the small shiver the praise drew from the omega.

Phil turned to rummage through the pile of clothes he had already sorted out for Hawk, and handed him clean underwear and worn, soft jeans.

”Why don’t you go and change, while I finish the packing, okay?”

Hawk stared at him, his eyes darting from the clothes to Phil’s eyes and back. With a slightly bewildered air, he slowly took the offered clothes, and hobbled into the spare bedroom to change. 

Somewhat distracted by the way his alpha side beamed at the successful providing act, Phil packed the rest of the clothes, leaving out a couple of jackets for Hawk to choose from. From the way the purple sock fit Hawk, Phil guessed their shoe sizes matched as well, and he picked out a couple of pairs of shoes for Hawk as well. Then he changed into clean clothes himself, and sat on the edge of the bed to wait.

A while later, when Hawk returned, Phil had to grit his jaw and keep a tight lid on his alpha side not to let anything seep through. Covering an omega in their own clothes and scent tended to make alphas possessive and aroused, and Phil wanted to avoid that at all cost. However, truth was that Hawk looked absolutely gorgeous in Phil’s purple jumper and frayed jeans, and all Phil wanted to do was to wrap his arms around the omega and never let go.

Phil swallowed. It was going to be a long drive.

It took a couple of trips down the stairs to get all their stuff and Hawk into the SHIELD SUV. 

Even though Phil had managed to carry Hawk to the third floor the previous night, he knew that, this time, it wasn’t an option. First of all, Phil didn’t have his alpha side on overdrive to spur him on, and secondly, he really didn’t think Hawk would agree to be carried again. So he decided to take the bags first and then come back for Hawk.

As Phil was walking towards the door, he thought about something.

”Do you like to read?” He asked Hawk, turning around.

Hawk frowned, slightly taken aback by the non sequitur.

”I assume you can read, right?” Phil asked hesitantly.

That earned him several blinks and a look that could only be labelled as ’bitchface.’ Phil immediately congratulated himself on being such an insensitive idiot.

”I mean, if you don’t get sick in the car, please choose something for the ride,” Phil hurried to say trying to salvage what he could. He nodded at the bookshelf. ”Take anything you think you might like, and as many books as you wish.”

He gave Hawk an encouraging smile and fled the flat to pack the car.

One of the perks of working for SHIELD, apart from generous salary and rent-regulated apartment with unlimited hot water, was that the senior staff members were allowed to use SHIELD SUVs as their personal vehicles. Of course, it wasn’t just because of Fury’s tender heart, but more a question of necessity: the higher up in the chain of command, the more dangerous the job became. Phil’s position and his personal relationship with Fury had resulted on Fury dropping the SUV keys on Phil’s table and telling him to ”Use the motherfucking company car.”

Phil had given him a long look, pushed the keys to side, and continued filling up his paperwork.

Thing was, Phil liked to walk to work. It gave him a sense of transition and allowed him to get some fresh air. Fury didn’t understand, but walking had really never been his style anyway.

However, sometimes there was a need for an an impersonal vehicle, meant more for efficiency than comfort, never mind that Phil really didn’t like the SUV that much. 

Too bad that taking Lola was out of the question, Phil thought and stole an apologetic glance at his tarp-covered cherry-red convertible. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a treacherous voice purred how nice it would be to take Hawk for a ride on Lola. With a small sigh, he shook his head to get rid of the unwanted thoughts. He should stop dwelling on daydreams and concentrate on getting through Christmas. That started with getting on the road in reasonable time.

After stuffing their bags into the back of the car, Phil took a quick inventory of it and made sure there was no litter lying around, that the first-aid kit was on its proper place, and the spare blanket and pillow that were standard SHIELD SUV equipment were clean enough for Hawk. 

Back in his apartment, he cleared out the trash, poured away the little milk he had left, and packed the leftover omelet to go. When he was done, Hawk was still standing in front of his bookshelf, looking indecisive.

”What is it?” Phil asked as he stepped forward. ”Did you find something interesting?”

Slowly, Hawk nodded and pointed at a book.

”Oh, A Hundred Years of Solitude. That’s a good one. Magical realism, very satisfying reading. You should take it with you.”

Almost reverently, Hawk reached out to take the book and cradled it against his chest with both hands.

Sensing he wasn’t done yet, Phil asked, gently, ”Was there something else? Another book that caught your interest?”

Hawk glanced at him from the corner of his eye. 

”You can take as many as you want,” Phil encouraged.

Hawk bit his lip, his gaze darting around the bookshelf, smelling slightly nervous and apprehensive. Phil relaxed his pose, kept his scent calm and face patient, and waited. Finally, Hawk let out a deliberate breath, seemingly having made up his mind.

With interest, Phil watched Hawk pick Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet and Burrough’s John Carter, and idly wondered, if Hawk only picked them because they sounded interesting or if he really had such versatile tastes.

Clutching the books close, Hawk turned to look at Phil and nodded.

”Ready?” Phil said. ”Okay, let’s go then.”

Making their way down the stairs was awkward and slow, what with Hawk determined to manage on his own and Phil hovering near, fighting his urge to step in and just carry the other man down. He couldn’t help but both admire Hawk for his stubbornness, internally rolling his eyes at it at the same time. 

The fact that the slight exertion made Hawk sweat a little and Phil’s nose was saturated with Hawk’s warm scent, didn’t help the journey at all.

When they finally made it to the car, Phil opened the front passenger door and motioned Hawk inside.

”Yes, you are sitting on front,” he said at Hawk’s stupefied face. ”You have more leg room, and it’s more comfortable for both of us. In you go,” he said brusquely, but his hands were careful as he helped Hawk in.

After he had gotten Hawk safely seated, he took a couple of deep breaths to compose himself. Spending several hours in close quarters with Hawk would be an exercise on self-control.

”I only have a couple of rules,” he said as he slid to the driver’s seat and buckled himself up. ”One: wearing the seat belt is non-negotiable. Two: no feet on the dashboard, but you can take your shoes off if you want to. And three: turning the radio on country music station is under no circumstances acceptable.”

Hawk stared him for a moment, then he saluted as his face split into a cocky grin that lit his face up like a sun. 

Phil blinked and then averted his eyes to fumble with the ignition.

”Okay. Off we go,” he said gruffly.

Yes, this day is going to be long indeed, he thought as he steered the car into the traffic.

The ride itself turned out to be mostly uneventful. 

Phil concentrated on the driving, somehow soothed by Hawk’s silent presence by his side. He felt more relaxed but still alert, nothing like the droopy and sleepy kind of relaxed the monotonous driving usually made him. To his right, Hawk had kicked off his shoes and was curled into the seat, completely absorbed in his book. Phil stole a glance at it, noticing it was Márques. 

He wondered what Hawk thought about the antics of the Buendía Family.

After a couple of hours, Phil decided he needed a bit more gas and a break to stretch his legs. Also, they had already eaten the leftover omelet pieces, and he wanted to get some coffee and something to eat as well. He took the exit to the next gas station and noticed somewhat amused that Hawk only raised his head from the book when Phil stopped the car, blinking owlishly.

”I’m getting more gas and then some coffee. Would you want to come with me? Do you need to stretch your legs?”

Hawk pursed his lips and looked around the station. Phil didn’t miss the way his eyes darted from one building and car to the next, assessing threats and calculating odds. It seemed to be automatic, borne from years of experience. It made Phil unbearably sad.

Finally, Hawk shook his head.

”Would you rather stay in the car instead?” Phil asked, and Hawk nodded. 

”Okay. Would you like something to drink? I’m getting coffee myself.”

Hawk shrugged, looking away.

”Hawk, I wouldn’t ask unless I meant it,” Phil chided gently. ”Would you like some coffee or tea?” He paused to think for a moment. ”A milkshake?”

Hawk’s head snapped up.

Bingo, Phil thought. ”A milkshake it is. Chocolate or Strawberry?”

Hawk let out a hissing noise. 

”Strawberry?”

Hawk nodded, and Phil congratulated himself for interpreting right.

”One strawberry milkshake coming up,” Phil confirmed with a smile. Then he paused and gave Hawk a more serious look. ”Hawk? Thank you for telling me.”

A faint blush spread on Hawk’s cheeks at the praise. Phil thought he looked gorgeous.

Dangerous thoughts, he chided himself as he walked towards the shop.

He really should know better. He had always thought himself as a considerate alpha, one to listen and respect his omega’s boundaries. Now, he was offering small praises and affirmations without consent and with no real intel if Hawk wanted it or not. But he couldn’t help himself: the way Hawk drank in the small affections and even the most general gestures of normal human kindness made something inside Phil stir and reach out, eager to wrap himself around Hawk and shield him from the world.

It wasn’t really sexual, even though Hawk was very attractive and Phil didn’t even try to lie himself how easy it was to picture the omega spread out on his bed. It was more about the way Hawk seemed to lean ever so tentatively towards Phil and how pitifully grateful he was for every kind word Phil said.

Phil’s thoughts wandered to the way Hawk had reacted to even the smallest of whiffs of his alpha pheromones, and he felt nauseous. Conditioning an omega to that extent was hideous and a show of true cruelty. It spoke of excessive, recurring abuse. Phil wasn’t even going to think about the scars on Hawk’s neck.

After spending extended time with at least one abusive alpha, it was a miracle that Hawk was even able to be in the same car with Phil.

Lost in his thoughts, Phil entered the store, and the people around him recoiled. It took Phil a moment to realize why, and when he did, he hastily reined in his anger and pushed his alpha presence down with an apology. 

No wonder the other customers were nervous when he had marched in like homicide come to flesh.

Mortified, he made a quick supply run around the shop, picked up an assortment of seedless grapes, a bag of chips and a package of powdered doughnuts, and then ordered the drinks. As he was paying for his purchases, his eyes flickered over a stand of laminated bookmarks by the cashier. He almost dismissed them as kitschy knick-knacks, until he saw the one with a hawk. Quickly, without thinking about it too long, he snatched the hawk bookmark and added it to his purchases.

When he was walking to the car, he noticed how Hawk was staring anxiously out of the window, and even from the distance, Phil could see the way he was practically vibrating with nerves. He was still inside, though, and Phil counted that as a win.

”Everything okay?” he asked as he opened the door and sat behind the wheel. 

Hawk shrugged, but Phil didn’t miss the way he relaxed minutely when Phil was back in the car with him. 

”Here’s your milkshake,” Phil said and offered Hawk the container. ”And I bought some grapes, chips, and doughnuts.” Then he cleared his throat. ”And… I also got you this.” 

He put the bookmark on the opened book on Hawk’s lap. ”I realized that you probably didn’t have a bookmark, and I don’t take kindly of my books being dog-eared.”

Hawk stared at the bookmark for a long moment, then he reached out hesitantly to brush it with his fingers. 

Somehow, it was an achingly intimate gesture that made Phil’s heart clench. 

Without saying a word, he started the car.

As the evening drew near and the light waned into the blue twilight of the winter, it started to snow. Not the wet, disgusting flakes that had smacked Phil in the face the night before, but the soft, fluffy, white snow flakes that covered the ground like powder. Abandoning his book for the poor light, Hawk leaned his temple on the side window, stared out, snacked on the grapes, and drank his milkshake with small meticulous sips. He didn’t look exactly relaxed, but there was an air of something that called out for Phil and begged him to touch. 

He didn’t. 

Instead, Phil held the wheel with a perfect 10-2 grip and resisted the urge to steal glances at Hawk. 

When they were about one and a half hours from Phil’s parent’s, his mom called, asking how long they were going to take still, and if they needed one bedroom or two.

”I mean, it’s all the same by us,” Phil’s mom said cheerily. ”We have your old room, Phil, and also the attic rooms. So why don’t you boys think it through and tell me when you arrive?”

Phil glanced at Hawk from the corner of his eye, taking in the rigidly tense form.

”Sure,” Phil said easily, and continued to chitchat about mundane things for a couple of minutes before ending the call.

After several long moments of driving in tense silence, Phil sighed.

”Neither I nor my family expects us to share the room,” he said quietly. ”My old room is quite small, but the bed is comfortable. The attic rooms have locks on them because that’s where my sister’s omega friends slept when they were having sleepovers.” 

He paused to check he had the right lane off the highway.

”My parents also have housed there some teens during summers, especially omega teens, so in that sense the attic rooms are safe.”

He glanced at Hawk, who was still staring stiffly out of the window.

”Do you want to think about it and decide once you’ve seen the place?”

Hawk turned his head slightly towards Phil and nodded.

”Okay,” Phil agreed.

After a moment, something crossed his mind.

”There’s something you should know. My mother…” Phil shook his head and huffed a laugh. ”She’s very fond of hugging people. To her, it’s a way to show affection and care, and it often annoys the hell out of people. She doesn’t mean anything by that, and she definitely won’t be offended should you decline.”

He looked to his side and Hawk’s wide, panicked eyes met his the moment the smell of his fear permeated the air. Phil didn’t even think before reacting: he slowed the speed into a crawl and reached out with his right hand, placing his palm against the nape of Hawk’s neck.

”It’s okay, Hawk. I’ll tell her to back off. You’ll be fine,” he said soothingly, applying a gentle, grounding pressure and subtly adding calm and safe into his own scent in attempt to balance the haywire panic Hawk was putting off.

Hawk swallowed and nodded hesitantly, and started to relax ever so slightly under Phil’s palm. 

Turning his focus back on the road, Phil rubbed his thumb gently against the side of his neck as he resumed the driving. He had no idea why Hawk would panic about a family that consisted mainly of betas, but he figured it most likely had roots in some form of extended conditioning that had later turned into severe social anxiety. Fortunately for them all, after housing the so called ”difficult teens” for several summers, the Coulson family was more than adaptable.

After a moment, Phil realized that his hand was still on Hawk’s neck and that he was still rubbing his alpha scent into Hawk’s skin. Chagrined, he darted a glance at the omega and swallowed heavily at the sight.

Hawk’s eyes were closed and he had turned his head a bit towards Phil. The move had placed his throat right under Phil’s thumb, and instead of the side of his neck, Phil had been rubbing the side of Hawk’s Adam’s apple. It was an extremely vulnerable position, but Hawk didn’t look resigned or scared. It was almost like he was dozing off.

Bewildered, Phil concentrated on keeping the car on the road, gently moving his hand so that it was just resting against Hawk’s neck. The move didn’t disturb the omega, but he seemed to push more into the touch, as if he was afraid to lose it. It was endearing and called on Phil’s every protective instinct.  

Understanding just how dangerous ground he was on, Phil fervently hoped that, when indulging his alpha side, he was doing more good than bad.

When they finally pulled into the driveway, it was already dark. The Coulson family house and yard were decorated to the season with a wide variety of Christmas lights, twinkling stars, and light chains. Phil took a suspicious look around, but when he didn’t spy any sparkling angel choirs or reindeer figures with blinking noses, he decided that Mom had actually reined her enthusiasm in this time. 

Perhaps she wanted to make an impression. Or she was getting old.

There were three cars already parked, indicating that Anne and Julia’s families had already arrived. Phil parked the SUV behind Anne’s and turned to look at Hawk. 

Hawk had woken up perhaps twenty minutes earlier, shortly after Phil had taken his hand off from his neck. He tried not to read too much to it. Now, the omega was staring at the house nervously, biting his lip, and his scent let off a steady undercurrent of fear, even though he tried to hide it. His hands clenched and unclenched on his lap, and he looked ready to bolt. 

That was all Phil needed. He dug out his phone and sent a group message of ’Back OFF!’ to his mom and siblings. Then he put his phone away and reached to touch Hawk’s shoulder.

”I won’t leave you alone unless you ask me to,” he said calmly. ”And if you at any time want to leave the room, let me know.”

Without turning his head, Hawk swallowed and nodded.

”Okay,” Phil said, opening his seatbelt. ”Here we go.”

He walked around the car to help Hawk out, both satisfied and dismayed how readily he molded himself under Phil’s arm. It didn’t seem to fit into the somewhat stubborn and independent image he had gotten from the omega so far, but under the circumstances, he wasn’t about to complain. If hiding behind Phil’s frame made Hawk more comfortable, so be it.

Slowly, they made their way towards the porch, Phil supporting Hawk, and Hawk clutching the books against his chest. It was an awkward going, what with the walkway slippery with snow and Hawk’s ankle still stiff and obviously painful, but they were in no hurry. 

They had almost reached the porch when the front door opened. In a flash, Hawk’s bowed his head and his scent turned meek and submissive, a molecular equivalent of baring one’s belly. Phil didn’t even have time to think before his biology took over: he curled around Hawk as his alpha side flared, wanting to make absolutely clear that this omega is under my protection, and that anyone who wanted to reach him had to go through Phil first.

Almost instantly, he heard a soft snort. 

”Thank you, Phil. You’ve made your point,” his mom commented calmly.

Blinking, slightly embarrassed, Phil slowly tucked his alpha under control again and straightened his back. However, he didn’t change his protective pose, for both his own benefit and because Hawk’s scent hadn’t really changed.

”Merry Christmas, Mom,” he said with a sheepish smile.

”Merry Christmas, Phil and Hawk,” Mom answered nodding at them both.

Under Phil’s arm, Hawk flinched at being addressed directly. Without a conscious thought, Phil started rubbing small circles on Hawk’s side with his thumb, his alpha side prompting him to calm Hawk down and tell him that he was safe.

”Are your bags still in the car?” Mom asked in the same, calm voice, discreetly ignoring Hawk’s distress. ”I’ll ask Brad to get them if it’s okay by you?”

Bradley was Julia’s beta husband, and Phil guessed that was the exact reason Mom had offered to ask him.

”Yes, that’s fine,” he said mainly to soothe Hawk.

Mom beckoned them the couple of steps up, staying a little to Phil’s side, calm and collected. She stopped by the door, reached for the doorknob, and hesitated.

”I tried to tell the others to give you space, but with all the kids in the house… I can’t promise you won’t be barreled into a hug by some over-enthusiastic nieces and nephews who’ve missed their Uncle Phil. After all, they’ve stayed up to welcome you.” She gave Phil a pointed look. ”Your own fault, really. You should come to visit more often.”

Without a further ado, she opened the door.

The living room was decorated for Christmas with wreaths and garlands, Christmas stockings by the fireplace, and a fully decorated Christmas tree. The warm scents of eggnog, cinnamon, and cloves greeted them, and Phil found himself letting out a relieved breath. No matter how old he was or how long he had been away, coming home for Christmas always made him feel better.

He glanced at Hawk, who was staring at the room with eyes wide with wonder and mouth hanging slightly open. With a pang Phil realized Hawk looked like this was the first time he saw a home fully decorated for Christmas.

”Shall we?” He asked with a light tone, hoping it masked his own distress.

Hawk nodded and together, they stepped in.

They didn’t get very far when they heard noise from the stairs, something akin to a herd of rhinos on stampede. Phil’s mom tried valiantly to step in to interfere, but she wasn’t fast enough to block the whirlwind that was her grandchildren barging forward. They rushed to jump and dance around Phil and Hawk, their eyes shining, shouting in chorus, “Uncle Phil! Uncle Phil! You came! Did you bring presents?”

Phil’s genuine happiness of seeing his nieces and nephews warred with his alpha instinct to shield Hawk. He tried to hold on and placate the kids, but it was to no avail, and when he felt Hawk flinch when Anne’s youngest crowded too close, his control snapped.

“Quiet!” 

His alpha voice froze everyone, and, for a moment, no-one dared to breathe. 

Then Anne said, calmly, while walking down the stairs, “And that, children, was a practical demonstration of an alpha in a protective mode.”

She walked unhurriedly to Phil and smiled warmly. “Merry Christmas, Phil.”

Phil relaxed minutely. “Merry Christmas, Anne. Sorry about this.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay, I understand.” She turned slightly towards Hawk, careful not to crowd him. “Welcome, Hawk. I’m Anne, Phil’s younger sister, and an omega. The Tasmanian devil who scared you is my youngest, Roderick, who will certainly explain himself later.” Her glare was formidable, and Rod cowered accordingly. 

“Jonathan and Silas are also mine, as is Stephanie over there,” she pointed at the boys in question and lastly nodded at the direction of the kitchen door from where Steph gave them an awkward wave with her hand.

“Julia is upstairs, trying to put her younger daughter Amanda to bed. Her older girl Irene is actually hiding behind Steph. Don’t mind about her, Phil, she’s got a thing going on,” Anne added with a hushed voice.

Her familiar chatter went a long way to help Phil regain his control. It was something she had always been good at, and Phil loved her for it, now more than ever.

“Julia’s Brad is out with Dad. My mate, Mark, is upstairs. He’s an alpha, and he won’t come down or near you unless it’s okay by you.” 

She directed her words straight to Hawk, who clearly wasn’t sure how to react, if his overwhelmed scent was anything to go by. It was time for Phil to step in.

“Thank you, Anne,” he said, with just a hint of more force than necessary. Her lip twitched knowingly, but she humored him anyway, nodded, and backed off.

Phil let his thumb continue rubbing circles on Hawk’s side. He could feel the omega trembling a little, either from stress, pain, or sheer exhaustion, Phil wasn’t sure, and he didn’t particularly care. He was more than ready to move them into a smaller space, away from all the noise and attention.

His mom cleared her throat. “Phil, sweetheart, there’s casserole in the oven and punch in the fridge. I’m sure you’re both starved and tired from the drive.”

Phil gave his mom a grateful small smile, nodded at Anne, and helped Hawk to hobble into the kitchen and to a chair by the table. He sat down gingerly, clutching the books close, and stayed perching on the edge as if he was waiting to be ordered off.

Mom puttered around them, setting the table and fussing with utensils. Phil tried to help, but she shooed him to sit down as well, and Phil did, shooting a fond eyeroll at Hawk. The omega blinked and gave him a small smile, and Phil’s heart missed a beat.

When Mom put the food on the table, Phil saw it was one of his favorites: a chicken pesto pasta casserole. He hummed happily at the mouth-watering smell, helping a hearty portion to both Hawk and himself.

“Honey, you can put the books to the table while you eat,” Mom said to Hawk over her shoulder as she rummaged for the fridge. “Would you like some punch?”

Hawk paused mid-move, the books hovering over the tabletop, and looked at Phil.

“You can taste it, if you like. If it’s the Mom’s traditional one, it has a bit of alcohol in it,” Phil said calmly.

Hawk scrunched his nose in disgust and shook his head as he put the books down with a determination that spoke volumes. Phil thought the little wrinkles on his nose looked adorable. He wanted to reach out to smooth them, preferably with his lips.

“Phil?” Mom asked, raising a brow.

Realizing he had been staring, Phil cleared his throat. “No thanks. I think I’ll settle on water.”

Mom nodded. “Okay. You boys stay here and eat, I’ll go and help Anne to herd the kids to bed.” She turned towards the door, then paused. “Both your old room and the attic rooms are done, Phil. We also have a spare mattress to spread on the floor, if you need one.” 

They ate in a somewhat tense silence, Hawk uncomfortable and wired up because of yet another new environment, Phil still a bit on edge, trying to keep his alpha side under control. It was proving to be frustratingly recurrent task.

He wondered where Hawk wanted to sleep: alone behind locked doors or in the same room with Phil? Phil knew where he wanted to sleep himself, but the decision wasn’t his.

When Hawk had cleared up his plate and was clearly drooping, Phil cleared his throat.

“So… about the sleeping arrangements,” he started, and then complimented himself about his smoothness with an internal sigh.

Hawk furrowed his brows together and stared at his plate. Phil waited, giving him time. He tried subtly gauge Hawk’s current mood, but the omega was keeping a tight lid on his scent and tells, and Phil couldn’t read anything from him.

Finally, Hawk looked up and Phil found himself being pinned down by the intense stare once more. It seemed to peel layers off of him, drilling under his skin, and Phil wondered what exactly Hawk saw in him.

Hawk cocked his head, then pointed up and then at Phil, raising his brows.

“Yes, either in the attic room, or on my old room,” Phil said. 

Hawk nodded. Then, straightening up, he seemed to come into a decision, and pointed at Phil once more. 

“You want to sleep in my old room?” Phil asked.

Hawk nodded again, holding his stare. Then he pointed at Phil again, more slowly.

Phil swallowed. “Do you want me to sleep in the same room with you?”

Hawk closed his eyes for a moment and then nodded.

Phil took a deep breath, thinking about how to handle this without it all blowing to pieces.

“I’m honored by the trust you show in me, Hawk,” he said carefully. “But I need to make something clear here. You’re in no way required to sleep in the same room with me. You are a guest in this house, and will remain as one, regardless where you — or I, for that matter — sleep.”

Hawk shrugged and averted his eyes. He looked smaller, dejected. Phil hated the bitter rejected undertones his scent had taken. 

For a moment, he was at a loss of what to say. Surely Hawk didn’t think Phil would expect him to pay in flesh for his family’s hospitality? But he had no way of knowing, either. Phil licked his lips and decided to go on a hunch. 

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not blind: you are very attractive, and I’ve always been more inclined to males than females. However, this situation we’re in now? It wouldn’t be right.”

If possible, Hawk hunched even more in his chair. It broke Phil’s heart to see him like that.

He tried to come up with something that made sense, but all he managed was a soft, “I don’t want to hurt you, Hawk.”

The omega looked up at that, frowning slightly, as if he didn’t understand what Phil meant. 

Phil wondered if this was the first time anyone had said that to him.

Hawk looked at him with narrowed eyes for a long moment before he snorted and turned his face away to stare at the wall. For some reason, Phil got the feeling he had disappointed the omega somehow.

Too tired to figure things out, he rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “You look tired. Would you want to go and get some sleep now?” 

Hawk shrugged again, trying for nonchalance.

”It’s okay. You’ve had a rough couple of days,” Phil said gently. “Let me check if the way is clear, okay?”

He got up and went to peek into the living room. Apart from Mom reading a book on the armchair, it was empty.

“The kids are upstairs asleep, if you’re worried about that,” she said with a small smile.

Phil glanced behind him to check in on Hawk slumped on his chair, then walked a couple of steps into the living room. 

“Okay. We’re heading to bed anyway.”

Mom closed her book and looked at him over the rim of her glasses. “He’s cute.”

Phil sighed. “Mom, it’s not like that.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps not, but he’s still cute.” Then she sighed and shook her head minutely. “He’s also very afraid, although he covers it quite well.”

“I know,” Phil said quietly. ”I can understand why he’s afraid of me, but the rest of the family?” He fell silent for a moment. “He wants to sleep in my old room.”

Mom nodded. “Makes sense. Where are you going to sleep?”

“On the floor.”

Mom was silent for a moment, giving him a long look. “Do you know what you’re doing, Phillip?” She finally asked.

With a rueful smile, Phil said, “Not in the slightest, Mom. I want to take care of him, to keep him safe, but I know I don’t have the right.”

“Not yet, anyway.”

“Mom…”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Mom interrupted. ”But I also know that fate does odd things sometimes. Oh, well… Go on, go take care of your boy,” Mom shooed. “Your bags are already in the room.”

Giving her an exasperated look, Phil went back to the kitchen. He failed to catch the swinging door in time and it slammed behind him, startling Hawk from his dozing. He jerked violently with a gasp, almost falling from his chair.

“Shit, sorry, sorry!” Phil said, berating himself about his stupidity as he hurried to Hawk’s side. His hand went to Hawk’s neck almost naturally, and his alpha side felt content when he felt Haw’s pulse slow down and his breathing even out.

Still feeling guilty, he helped Hawk up. When they made their way through the living room, Mom bade them goodnight with a knowing smile. Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

His old room had been cleared up and the bed had been made with blue and purple sheets, and as soon as he saw it, Hawk’s eyes zeroed on the purple blanket on the bed. Phil narrowed his eyes at the thing — he was quite sure he had never seen it before, at least not in his old room anyway. Besides, the placement was perhaps a tad too deliberate to be a mere coincidence.

He supported Hawk into the bathroom and went to unpack their bags to the dresser, opened the bed for Hawk, and unrolled the spare mattress on the floor for himself.

When Hawk saw the mattress, he looked sharply at Phil.

“You said you wanted me in the room,” Phil explained. “You will sleep in bed, I’ll be on the floor.” When Hawk shook his head, seemingly ready to protest, Phil raised a finger. “That’s non-negotiable,” he said firmly. “Now, go to bed. I’ll go to the bathroom and will be back in no time.”

Hawk narrowed his eyes to stare mulishly at Phil. Then huffed and climbed into the bed, settling with his back to Phil and tucking the blankets over himself with an aggressive pull. Phil stifled a grin and went to brush his teeth. When he came back, Hawk was soundly asleep, his face pressed against the purple blanket. 

With a sigh, Phil settled down to sleep. He had no idea what was going to happen the next day, but he already knew he was very fond of the little sparks of temper he saw from Hawk.

When Phil stirred, it was to the content feeling of sharing the space with an omega. It had been a long time since he had last had the pleasure, and now he realized how much he had actually missed it. He woke up well-rested and without the fuzzy feeling in his head he usually got after catching up with sleep after being forced to survive on little sleep. Of course, sleeping with an omega wasn’t just about the quality and amount of sleep: it also soothed his alpha side, the deep-seated need need to protect and provide for an omega. In short: his lizard-brain needed the proximity of an omega to stay healthy.

He lay on the mattress for a moment, reveling in the scent of a sleeping omega and listening to Hawk’s steady breathing. 

After a moment, he was forced to get up due to nature’s call. However, before going into the bathroom, he paused for a moment just to admire the sleeping Hawk, relaxed and soft, curled in a contented ball under the purple blanket. 

Thinking about the previous night, Phil sighed. He had said to Hawk that he thought him as attractive, and it was true. Sleep softened his features, and the way his hair was mussed all over made Phil want to run his hand through it, to scratch and rub, and to grip and guide with both hands. It was the perfect length to get a handful.

Phil blinked as he realized where his mind had gone, and he backed up against the door. 

Dismayed, he noticed he was rapidly getting hard, and his alpha presence was seeping through the seams. It would be only a matter of seconds before Hawk stirred, alarmed by the distinctive sense of an aroused alpha near him. Phil didn’t want to do that to him. Last night, he had said to Hawk that their situation wasn’t one for any kind of a relationship, so him stinking the air with his desire like a creeper wasn’t fair on either of them.

With a sigh, he got a grip on himself and went into the bathroom. 

Some while later, when he got out (after a cold shower and nothing more, thank you very much), the smell of fresh coffee drew him downstairs. The living room was silent, and he guessed his nephews and nieces were still asleep despite (or perhaps because of) the excitement of Christmas. However, Phil wasn’t even a bit surprised when he entered the kitchen to see Anne and Mom sitting at the table, sipping their first cups of coffee. 

They both looked at him with raised brows.

Phil blinked. “Yes?”

“What are you doing here, Phil?” Anne asked.

“Getting coffee. Or at least I thought that’s what I was doing.”

Anne gave him a long look. “You have an omega to care for,” she pointed out.

Phil shook his head. “No, I don’t. Not like that anyway.”

Anne snorted. “Really?” She shook her head in fond exasperation. “Phil, the boy is clearly attached. He might have had a rough time, but he wants to be near you.”

Phil went to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup. “Stockholm Syndrome,” he said flatly and sipped his coffee. “After what he’s been through, I guess everything is enough to make him attached.”

“Be as it may, he’s still yours to take care of,” Anne reminded.

“I know,” Phil sighed and sat heavily down. “And I have no fucking clue of what to do.” 

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “He’s been severely traumatized, abused, and neglected, and something has made him afraid of people in general, regardless of their designations. I don’t know if he’s selectively mute or if there’s something physically wrong with him. He’s clearly intelligent, he can read, and he has a very good spatial awareness. He moves like he’s used to fighting, and he’s used to ignoring pain.” He paused for a moment and looked up, lost. 

“I want to help him, but I don’t know how.”

Mom reached out to gently grip his arm. “You are already helping him. You’re providing him with a steady alpha presence, clear boundaries, and a chance to make decisions. Don’t sell yourself short, sweetheart.”

Phil shook his head opened his mouth to argue, but his words were blown away when they heard clamoring, and then Mark called urgently from the stairs, “Phil! Get in here, now!” 

Everything else vanished from his mind as Phil barged out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He was met with Anne’s alpha husband pressed flat against the wall and Hawk — 

Hawk was kneeling in the middle of the hallway, eyes staring ahead, a vacant look in them. He was pale and trembling and his scent was a muddled mess of fear, submission, and resignation with a nauseating reek of panic on top. 

Phil hurried to his side, knelt in front of him, guided his nose against the side of his neck, and wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t even pause to think as his alpha was let loose, the furious presence slamming into anything and everything around them, shielding him and Hawk both. He closed off his family, the shocked faces of the kids peeking from the rooms and Mark’s apologies, and concentrated solely on Hawk. 

The omega was breathing in sharp gulps, almost sobbing. Realizing he himself was part of the problem, Phil reined in his alpha side, concentrated on projecting calm, safe, and protected, and rubbed his hands along Hawk’s side, all the while murmuring soothing nonsense into his ear to help him to calm down. He was distantly aware of movement around them, of kids darting past them, of Mark’s alpha scent lessening and vanishing altogether, until nothing remained, but Phil, Hawk, and Anne.

It took time, but gradually, he felt Hawk’s trembling subside, his breathing and heart rate started to even out, until he finally relaxed and sagged slightly in his arms. Relieved beyond words, Phil let out a shuddering breath and opened his eyes.

To his side, Anne shifted minutely to let him know she was there. Phil guessed she had been standing there quietly all along, waiting for the situation to settle. 

“The bedroom is ready and the bed is set,” she said softly. “Don’t argue, just get him there.”

Phil had no intention to argue. He nodded grimly and leaned a bit away from Hawk, to see him better.

“I’m going to help you up now, Hawk. Can you stand?”

It took a moment for Hawk to focus his eyes on Phil’s, and give a slow nod. 

Gritting his teeth, Phil pushed away his anger at the lost look in Hawk’s eyes, helped him up, and slowly walked him back into the bedroom. Hawk’s movements were sluggish and he was way too groggy for Phil’s peace of mind, but there was nothing more he could do, but to get him to bed as soon as possible. 

Just like Anne had said, the bedroom had been aired, the sheets had been straightened, and someone had added several blankets on the bed to make a better nest. Absently, Phil noticed that there were several bottles of water and juice on the nightstand. Most likely he had Anne to thank for that.

With short, soft words, he guided Hawk onto the bed and, after only a split second of hesitance, climbed in after him. Carefully, he scooted closer to the omega to hold him close, and after tugging the blankets over them, he wrapped his arms around him. With Hawk already so out of it, Phil had barely settled when the omega had already dropped off.

The leftover adrenalin was rapidly bleeding out, leaving him exhausted and on edge. He knew he should try to get some rest too, but he wasn’t sure if he could. He pressed his nose closer to Hawk’s hair and hesitantly drew in his scent, hoping it would help him to relax. 

The way the scent slowly morphed from chaotic to content made Phil’s alpha side relax with satisfaction, and before Phil realized, his eyes were slowly blinking closed.

The last thing he thought before he drifted off was how perfectly Hawk fit in his arms. 

When Phil woke up the second time in that morning, it took him awhile to get his bearings. He was hot and sweaty, which turned out to be because of Hawk was snuggled almost on top of him, his nose burrowed on the crook of Phil’s neck. Phil’s arms were still around the omega and his nose was buried in Hawk’s hair.

As he drew in the content scent of the sleeping omega, Phil wondered how touch-deprived Hawk really was? His need to be close was obvious from what small touches Phil had given him, and the way he reacted to even the most general of praises told loud and clear how his needs had not been met properly. Of course, his state of malnutrition and the way he had clearly been abused were even more obvious signs of how bad things had been for him.

To Phil, ignoring an omega’s needs was an appalling thing, close to torture, and went against every instinct he had. No matter how much he had seen during his time both on SHIELD and as a Ranger, an abused omega always made him nauseous. It was partially because of him being an alpha, as answering to an omega in need was hardwired in his biology, but it was also a deeply ingrained part of his personality.

Phil sighed. He had no idea how to proceed. 

Falling asleep in his arms like that, Hawk had already demonstrated an alarming level of trust in him. If Phil was being honest, it scared him. The implications were huge, and he had no clue if he actually was worthy.

His sigh must’ve jolted Hawk somehow, because he squirmed around a bit, and then raised his head to blink at Phil owlishly.

”Hi,” Phil said softly, stroking Hawk’s side with his hand. 

Hawk glanced down, and Phil saw him taking in the way they were positioned. He hoped that the fact that they both were fully clothed helped him to stay calm.

”Are you feeling better?”

Cautious, Hawk nodded.

Phil smiled. ”Good. Would you like something to eat?”

Hawk glanced at the door and shook his head.

It wasn’t surprising. No doubt Hawk was feeling unbalanced and off-kilter after experiencing too many emotional upheavals in the span of just a couple of days. 

A loud growling from the vicinity of Hawk’s stomach interrupted Phil’s line of thoughts. He couldn’t help a small grin when Hawk turned his head away and blushed.

”Hey, it’s okay Hawk. How about if I go get us something to eat and bring it up here?”

Hawk nodded shyly, and Phil couldn’t stop himself from caressing his cheek. Hawk closed his eyes and arched to the touch, needy and beautiful, and for a moment, Phil felt almost unbearable urge to flip them over, pin Hawk onto the mattress and claim. 

As the spike of his desire permeated the air, the easy moment was gone. Hawk’s eyes flew open and he stared at Phil, frozen in place. 

Phil’s hand dropped from Hawk’s cheek as if burned. Ashamed, Phil closed his eyes and turned his head aside, baring his throat to Hawk.

”I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry,” Phil said hoarsely. He felt like a monster. He knew what had been done to Hawk, and yet he had been ready to do the exact same thing.

The bed rocked slightly as Hawk sat up and scooted back. Phil didn’t dare looking at him. 

For a moment, everything was silent, as if holding its breath. Then something jabbed Phil in the side. He blinked and turned his head to see Hawk frowning at him.

The omega tapped at his stomach and raised a brow.

”Do you want me to get you food?” Phil asked timidly.

Hawk looked at him oddly, as if Phil was being stupid on purpose. Then he nodded.

Phil nodded. ”Okay.”

He was feeling shaky as he took the stairs down. He didn’t know what to do. He probably should take Hawk the food and then leave him alone. He definitely didn’t want to expose him to his horny alpha side again.

The downstairs was quiet, and Phil was pitifully glad about it. He wasn’t sure he could’ve been able to face his family right now. He walked slowly into the kitchen and stopped on the doorway as three stares pinned him down.

”I was wondering when you’d show up,” Mom said mildly. ”Coming for food, I presume?”

Phil nodded wearily and glanced at Anne and Mark by the table. They shared a look and Phil frowned.

”What?” 

Mark sighed. ”First of all, I’m sorry. I had absolutely no idea. He came out of the bathroom as I barked at the kids to come for breakfast, and he went down like a sack of potatoes.” He shook his head. ”It’s been a long, long time since I saw anything this bad.”

”Is he okay?” Anne asked softly.

Phil rubbed his eyes, feeling tired to the bone, and sat down. ”I don’t know. I guess so, but then I scared him.” He hugged his arms around himself, feeling a lot older than his forty-odd years.

”You mean, you want him, and he freaked out,” Mom said in a no-nonsense voice.

”Yeah,” Phil admitted.

”Well…” Mom started, but Phil interrupted him with a raised finger.

”Don’t,” he gritted out. ”I saw his neck back at my place. Someone tried to force a mating, multiple times in fact, and didn’t take no for an answer.”

Mom’s eyes went wide and her hand flew to her mouth. She blinked rapidly several times, then turned sharply around and started fussing with plates and a tray. 

Phil didn’t say anything more, but let her compose herself in peace.

”That’s not all,” Mark said grimly. ”You said he’s not talking, right?”

Phil nodded.

”Have you noticed small scars on both side of his throat? I saw them in the hallway before he dropped down. It’s something I haven’t come across in a long while.” He paused for a moment, then said lowly, ”Someone either paralyzed or completely destroyed his vocal chords.”

The pan and plates clattered as Mom let out a strangled sound, dropped whatever she had been doing, and fled the kitchen.

Phil felt sick. 

Omega muting was something that had been done centuries ago mainly to slaves, to keep them silent and to prevent them calling out for help. The practice had been criminalized generations ago, but every once in a while rumors where heard that some human traffickers still did it. A cloud of red, hot rage started to bubble somewhere inside Phil. The treatment was inhuman, monstrous, and —

”Phil!” 

He jerked his head up and growled through the haze of his fury. 

Anne didn’t flinch, but held onto his hands and stared him right in the eye.

”Calm down, you don’t have time for this. For some reason, despite his past, Hawk tolerates you near him, and he needs you now. Snap out of it!”

Phil bared his teeth in a silent snarl, but his sister’s calm scent washed over him like a wave, soothing him and calming down his nearly feral alpha side. 

It took time, but with her help, Phil finally got his breathing under control. Unlocking his jaw took a bit more effort, but after a couple of deep breaths, he managed to grit out a garbled, ”Thank you,” at Anne.

She nodded. ”I’ll help you with the food, okay?” She stood up and kissed him on top of his head as she passed him. 

Phil glanced around. They were alone. ”Where’s Mark?” 

Anne shot him a smile over her shoulder. ”He went to the living room to comfort Mom. He figured it would be easier for you too.”

Phil nodded and rested his forehead on the palms of his hands. He could feel the throbbing of a migraine in the back of his head. Ironically enough, he also knew that going back to his bedroom and holding on to Hawk would help him to feel better.

”Okay, food’s ready,” Anne said, nudging him on his shoulder. 

Phil thanked him, took the tray, and started towards the door.

”Phil,” Anne said quietly, stopping him. ”You do realize what happens if he starts to trust you?”

Phil swallowed thickly and nodded. ”Yeah.”

”What are you going to do about that?”

”I don’t know,” Phil said, a bit helpless.

”You should think about that,” Anne said softly. 

Phil didn’t answer. He knew she was right.

Before he entered the bedroom, Phil took a couple of deep breaths to brace himself, and knocked, calling, ”It’s me,” as he opened the door. It was perhaps redundant, because of course no-one else but him would even dare to enter, but he decided it was better to be safe than sorry.

He entered the room with his eyes downcast, still feeling ashamed about his earlier behavior. 

”I have more of that casserole, you seemed to like it yesterday,” he said as he walked across the room with his eyes averted. ”I also have Christmas pudding, bread, some fruits, and cake. I hope it’s enough.”

Keeping his body language as unthreatening as he could, he set the tray on the bed, and turned to go.

A soft, annoyed click of a tongue stopped him, and he faltered mid-step. With a confused frown, he turned to look at Hawk, who was sitting in the middle of the bed and staring at him with a raised brow.

”What?” Phil asked, at a loss.

Hawk rolled his eyes, and pointed a spot on the bed, right beside him.

”You want me to stay?” Phil asked. ”After — ”

Hawk hissed at him like a pissed-off cat and pointed at the bed more forcibly. Phil swallowed and decided to obey.

Anne had loaded the tray full of food, so there was more than enough for both of them. Even though Phil realized he was ravenous, he still made sure he ate sparingly. His alpha side was determined to see that his omega was fed properly.

Except — wait? When had Hawk become his omega?

Phil concentrated on the piece of chewy bread in his hand and tried furiously to get his thoughts into order. 

Hawk wasn’t his, and depending on the trauma he had been through, he might never be anyone’s. And no matter how alluring he had started to smell or how beautifully he reacted to Phil’s touch, Phil was enough of a man not to take advantage of him.

He wasn’t a molester. He couldn’t be.

He took a small sip of his cranberry lemonade, he glanced at Hawk from the corner of his eye. The omega looked content and his scent was mostly neutral. He was taking his time, eating perhaps slightly more slowly than the previous days. Phil wondered if it was because he knew he was going to get food regularly and there was no need to eat more than his fill. 

As if sensing his stare, Hawk’s eyes darted to Phil, only to quickly slide away again. Embarrassed to be caught looking, Phil dropped his eyes on his bread again.

Get a grip, he thought. There’s no need to act like a newly presented teen when, in fact, you’re over forty!

However, he couldn’t shake the implications of Anne’s warning from his mind, because he was perfectly aware of what would happen if Hawk started to trust him.

The secondary genders manifested during puberty along the sexual awakening, presenting themselves via heat or rut, or, if the person was a beta, with hormonal spike without the physical attributes of the other two secondary genders. Unlike the alphas with their annual ruts, omegas didn’t go into heat until they found a partner they trusted. Of course, it had nothing to do with their sexuality, nor did it mean they couldn’t have a deeply satisfactory sex life. However, the heat that released bonding hormones didn’t occur until the omega’s body decided it was safe and protected, and that the alpha they were dating was worthy of them. Every attempt of a mating bite before the proper heat, even the induced kind, would only result in pain and scarring, just like any other injury.

If the scars in Hawk’s neck were anything to go by, he had had a plenty of experience on the matter.

Phil frowned at his bread. If he was being honest, Anne’s warning made him apprehensive. Even though he could momentarily dismiss Hawk’s issues, he himself truly didn’t believe he was worthy of mating. How could he be? He was a forty-plus, balding security agent with an undeniably well-paid, but irregular, unstable, and dangerous job. He was no catch — in fact, far from it.

And when considering a deeply traumatized omega like Hawk… Phil honestly didn’t believe he was the right person to deal with any of it.

And yet, when he looked at Hawk, he couldn’t think of letting him go.

When Hawk slowly waved his hand in front of Phil’s eyes, a wary but amused smile on his face, Phil realized he had zoned off.

”Sorry, sorry,” he stammered, put hastily down the piece of bread he had been eating, and made an attempt to get up. 

He didn’t get the chance, however, because Hawk’s hand snatched up and grabbed his arm.

”Sit,” Hawk said in a hoarse, barely there rasp.

Phil’s jaw dropped and he dropped heavily back to sit on the bed. 

”You talk!” He breathed, then instantly shook his head at his own stupidity. ”I mean, of course you can talk, I just… I though — your throat —”

”Hurts,” Hawk wheezed and winced, either at the sound or the pain. 

Phil was definitely uncomfortable, and he could feel his alpha side to grow increasingly agitated. His feelings must’ve shown on his face, because Hawk rolled his eyes and forced yet another word out.

”Idiot.”

”Me?” Phil asked, bewildered.

Hawk just shook his head and stood awkwardly up to collect the tray and plates away. He moved gingerly, and Phil stifled his urge to get up and help. When Hawk returned to the bed, he looked at Phil for a moment, and then promptly pushed at his chest with his palm. Phil didn’t even dream of resisting, and he went down easily, wondering what the hell was going on.

Hawk nodded, satisfied. Then he climbed into bed after him, snuggled close, and drew the blankets over them.

”Yes, you’re an idiot,” he whispered into Phil’s ear, the sound a lot softer than regular whispering. ”Do you really think I would’ve stayed if I didn’t feel safe with you?”

”I— I don’t know,” Phil said, confused about the whole situation.

”Idiot,” Hawk whispered again and fell silent.

They lay in silence for a good while. By his side, Hawk was comfortable, if tense, and his scent was a tangled mess of emotions Phil was having troubles keeping track of. He spied contentment, fear, safety, dejection, hope, and several other scents that changed too quickly to get a hold of. Unsure of what to do, Phil decided on keeping himself calm and his scent neutral, while trying to understand what was happening. 

Then Hawk squirmed up, closer to Phil’s neck and ear, and let out a soft sigh.

”My real name is Clint.”

Phil didn’t say anything, sensing that Hawk — no, Clint — needed time to figure things out at his own pace.

”I’m originally from Iowa,” Clint continued in a soft whisper. ”I was orphaned as a kid, which wasn’t that big of a loss as my dad was a mean drunk who beat the shit out of me and my brother. We ended up spending some time in the orphanage before running into a circus. Things sorta went to shit after that.” 

Clint stopped to breathe for a while. His scent had turned bitter and burnt, and Phil started gently stroking his side to calm him down, wondering how things had been for Clint before the orphanage, if they went ’to shit’ after running away.

”Anyway…” Clint whispered. ”There was this one guy who had decided I was his. He tried to make sure of it, and at the end, he got pretty… inventive.” He swallowed, a dry, painful click.

Phil remembered the scars and knew exactly what Clint meant by ’inventive,’ and, despite his efforts to stay calm, his control on his alpha side slipped. A low growl rumbled deep in his throat, promising violence just like his scent. 

In his own anger, he almost missed Clint’s startled gasp and the barely audible, ”Please don’t.”

”I’m sorry!” Phil hurried to say, ruthlessly stomping on his own aggression. Even though he knew his apologizing was futile, he continued apologizing. ”I’m so sorry, Clint, I’d never —”

Clint pressed a trembling finger firmly on Phil’s lips, effectively silencing him. 

”I know,” he whispered. ”But I can’t help my reaction, okay?”

Phil nodded mutely. He wanted to say he couldn’t help his reaction either, but he kept silent. Feeling helpless, he dared to press his nose on Clint’s hair to breath in deeply several times. Even though Clint’s scent was nowhere near calm, Phil found it grounding, and he was slowly able to stabilize himself.

It took time for Clint to continue, but Phil didn’t rush him. They were hanging on a precarious balance between panic and calm, and Phil was ready to do anything to help Clint feel better — safe. As Clint made an aborted twitch to get closer, Phil wrapped his arms gently around the omega, mindful to keep his hold light.

”I’m twenty-eight,” Clint eventually confessed. 

Phil jerked, surprised. Clint raised his head and grinned sheepishly at Phil’s expression.

”Yeah, I know,” he whispered as he lay back down in Phil’s embrace. ”I look younger, but that’s also something I’ve been cultivating on purpose. Helps to keep me fed, you know?” He fell silent again, but let out a soft breath and splayed his hand over Phil’s chest. 

Sensing there was nothing remotely sexual in the gesture, Phil focused on keeping his breathing even.

Clint shook his head. ”I’ve been on the run for over ten years, ever since I got away from the circus and my brother. You’re the first person I trust to be near to.” He paused and something in him changed, as if he was curling into himself. ”I could see myself mating with you.”

Phil’s breath hitched. He was sure he had heard wrong. ”But… you don’t even know me!” He choked out.

Clint shrugged, a delicate move borne of a life spent in surviving. ”I don’t remember when I last felt like this. Safe enough to talk. That’s all because of you.”

Phil didn’t know how to react. Everything Clint had said and done so far, had been a massive show of trust. It also sounded very much like a major Stockholm Syndrome, and that was something Phil wasn’t okay with.

”But that’s just me,” Clint said when the silence stretched, his whispers even softer than before. ”I understand if you wouldn’t even consider me. I’m broken. Damaged goods. Probably can’t even have kids.”

The desolation in Clint’s scent made Phil’s heart clench painfully, and before he even registered what he was doing, he hugged the omega near and buried his nose into Clint’s neck.

”No! It’s not that,” he said hotly against Clint’s skin, then forced himself to relax his hold. ”I already told you that I find you attractive, and being here, with you in my arms…” He shook his head in wonder. ”It feels good. Right. But Clint, we’ve only know each other for a couple of days — you can’t make a decision like that on such a short notice!”

Clint raised his head from the crook of Phil’s neck and gave him a narrowed stare. ”Why not?” He forced out in his broken, hoarse voice, his mouth in an unhappy line.

”Because!”

The flat look he got as an answer clearly told Phil his answer wasn’t enough. Frustrated, he scooted up on the bed to lean against the headboard. Clint sat slowly up and looked at him warily, waiting.

”You don’t know anything about me!”

Clint raised a brow and made an impatient Yes, yes, go on — motion with his hand.

”I could be a— a sadistic serial killer for all you know!” Phil flailed.

Clint rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed.

Phil closed his eyes rubbed his face with his hands. He felt the mattress dip, but didn’t realize Clint had scooted right beside him until he poked Phil on the shoulder.

”What’s the problem?” Clint asked in a whisper. He seemed genuinely confused.

”You shouldn’t make a decision like that based on two days of acquaintance and general human kindness. You shouldn’t be ready to bind yourself into the first decent person you meet. You shouldn’t—” Phil stopped to take a breath. ”What if I’m not what you want?”

Clint cocked his head and frowned. ”Are you going to beat me? Rape me? Share me with your beta buddies? Keep me hungry as a means to make me more amenable in bed?”

Phil’s eyes had grown wider and wider with every word. ”No, of course not!” He answered, horrified. ”Why would you even—”

”Because that’s my experience on alphas.”

Phil let out a strangled noise of anguish and fought his need to grab Clint just to hold him close. 

Clint blinked, looked at his hands clenching and unclenching on his lap, and then raised his eyes to look at Phil. His stare was intense, focused, and Phil didn’t want to hide anything from it. He ached to reach out and touch, but he knew he wasn’t allowed.

Then Clint crawled closer and slotted himself under Phil’s arm. Phil didn’t even bother pretending he didn’t let out a relieved breath as he hugged Clint close.

”Someone I once knew said, ’Love is for children,” Clint said quietly in a faraway whisper. ”See, I’m not looking for a love of my life. I’m too old for that. I’m looking for someone I can trust, someone I can share my life with.” He paused and looked up at Phil. ”Someone who wouldn’t hurt me.”

With every word, Phil’s heart felt like it would shatter, hurting for the way Clint had been forced to see the life he was leading. ”That sounds awfully clinical,” he said, brushing his hand through Clint’s hair.

Clint huffed and rested his temple on Phil’s shoulder. ”Phil, you’re a romantic because you can afford it. I’m just being pragmatic. That’s what’s kept me alive all these years.” 

”But staying alive isn’t living,” Phil protested weakly.

Clint snuggled closer. ”I know,” he whispered, his breath tickling Phil’s ear. ”I’m tired of running and just staying alive.”

There was something infinitely sad and exhausted in his scent that made Phil want to wrap himself around Clint and never let go. For a moment, he debated if he dared to ask, but then he decided to be brave. He swallowed and asked, ”May I hold you? Please?”

Clint thought for a moment, then he nodded. ”Yes,” he breathed softly. ”Just… don’t pin me down?”

Phil nodded, serious, then he carefully maneuvered them to lie down on their sides, face to face. He telegraphed all his moves, giving Clint plenty of time to protest or move away, just in case he felt uncomfortable. Apparently, he didn’t, because Clint wriggled closer, determined to get comfortable. Phil let him, waiting patiently how their positions would turn out.

As it was, Clint ended up resting inside of the circle of Phil’s arms with his nose against the hollow of Phil’s throat. He wedged his thigh between Phil’s legs, and, even though it created a delicious pressure on Phil’s groin, he was more worried about if Clint felt he was trapped.

”You’re thinking too much,” Clint whispered after a moment.

”I’m sorry,” Phil sighed. ”I can’t help it.”

Clint huffed, amused. ”You’re a weird alpha, you know that?”

”Um… thank you?” Phil offered, and was pleased when Clint let out another huff.

A moment later, Clint sighed. ”I know what happens if I learn to fully trust you.”

Despite his efforts, Phil tensed, but before he had the chance to say anything, Clint continued.

”I think that if I’m with you, I can actually go through with it.”

It left Phil speechless. 

Sharing a heat with an omega was a high privilege even in the best of circumstances. It meant that the omega had decided the alpha was worthy of taking them through the haze of heat, when there was a chance that the omega wasn’t coherent enough to care for themselves. 

From a regular omega, an offer to spend the heat together was a sign of trust. 

From Clint, it was the equivalent of baring his throat to his worst nightmares.

Feeling shaky under the weight of Clint’s admission, Phil was unable to do much else than concentrate on breathing evenly and keeping his scent as saturated with safe and home as he could. As Clint slowly relaxed to sleep, Phil closed his eyes and directed a fervent plea to some entity he didn’t believe in.

Please, don’t let me screw this up.

Hours later, they woke up at the soft knocking on the door.

”Hey guys, we’re leaving to the church in an hour, in case you’re interested in coming with,” Anne called out, her voice muffled through the door.

”Church?” Clint mouthed.

Phil gave him an encouraging smile. ”It’s a family tradition. Ever since I was a kid, we’ve attended the Christmas Carol night. It’s not religious thing as such, even though majority of the classics are religious songs.”

He fell silent and waited for a moment, tracking Clint’s face with his eyes. 

”Would you like to go?” He then asked, ducking his head to see Clint’s eyes.

Clint shrugged, avoiding Phil’s gaze. 

”You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. It’s not a big deal — my family will understand. Anne just wanted to let us know.”

”Do you want to go?” Clint asked.

”Yes,” Phil said easily. ”It’s a family tradition, and it’s been years since I last went. But I don’t want to go if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Phil watched carefully as Clint mulled the idea over. He could see the omega wanted to go, but was probably scared because it was yet another new environment packed with people he had never met.

”If you decided you wanted to go, we could take my car,” Phil said softly. ”We could sit in the back, at the end of the pew, and we could leave if it became too much for you. I’d be there for the whole time.”

Clint nodded. Then he took a deep breath, looked steadily at Phil, and nodded again.

”Okay,” he whispered.

Phil didn’t ask if he was sure, just went to tell his family while Clint got dressed. Just to be sure, he asked them to avoid all fussing: it seemed that, even though Clint was slowly learning his way around Phil, the rest of his family still made him nervous, not to speak of complete strangers. Intellectually, he might know he didn’t have to be afraid, but it was a tough going to overcome years of conditioning and abuse.

As he took the stairs up, Phil realized he’d have to ask Clint if it was okay to tell the rest of the family his real name. He would also need to tell Clint that Mom, Anne, and Mark knew about the damage made to his vocal chords, but Phil wasn’t sure how to breach the subject. Despite his line of work, talking about past abuse and torture wasn’t the most common small talk topics Phil entertained.

When Phil entered the bedroom, Clint was sitting on the edge of the bed, nervously tapping his fingers on his knee. He had changed into black jeans with a sky-blue button-down, and he looked beautiful. When Phil realized he had been staring (again), he also braved to tell Clint as much. 

He decided he liked very much the way a light blush spread on Clint’s cheeks and his scent turned soft and slightly sweet.

Sensing Clint needed to compose himself, Phil ducked into the bathroom to change into slacks and a pullover, and then he returned to sit on the bed beside Clint.

”It’s going to be fine, okay?” He said, reaching out to take a hold on Clint’s nervously tapping fingers. ”This is a relatively small place, but people will back off when we tell them to. Nobody’s going to give you any grief. My parents are well respected in this community, and that respect extends to us as well.” 

Phil paused to give his next words more emphasis. ”And even if someone doesn’t know my family, you are still safe, because after spending the whole day plastered on my side, you’re fully covered in my scent. In other words: you smell like me.”

Clint blinked as he took in Phil’s words. ”So… that means I’m yours?”

Phil winced a little at the words. ”Ah… I guess you could say it like that, yes.” 

He had meant it more like ’It would mean anyone insulting you would risk the wrath of a mature alpha and their family’ instead of a blatant declaration of possession, but since Clint seemed satisfied with his own interpretation, Phil didn’t correct him.

They jolted a bit when someone honked from outside, signaling that the others were ready to go. 

Phil gave Clint a reassuring smile. ”Let’s go then.”

The drive wasn’t a long one, but it took time, what with dozens of cars heading the same way. 

After Phil parked beside his parents’ car, he hesitated. Clint was watching the brightly lit church with interest, and Phil wondered whether he should say anything at all. Then he thought, What the hell, it’s going to scare him no matter when I tell him, and steeled himself.

”Clint… there’s something you should know. Earlier today, back in the hallway… Mark saw the scars on your throat.”

Clint’s head snapped towards him, eyes wide. 

”He recognized them for what they are,” Phil said quietly. ”He’s a lawyer, and has come across them at some point. Thing is, when he told me, Anne and my mom were also in the kitchen. I’m sorry I brought this up now, but you need to know,” Phil explained looking Clint in the eyes. ”We’re all horrified about what happened to you, and it will probably affect the way we act around you. My mom needed to leave the kitchen because she got so distraught.” 

Clint dropped his eyes on his lap and Phil saw how his throat worked as he swallowed. After a moment, he looked at Phil and raised four fingers.

”Yes. The four of us knows. No-one else will find out, unless you tell them.”

Clint held his stare for a long time, until he finally closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

”Do you still want to go?” Phil asked.

Clint nodded.

Phil opened the door and stepped out, and dropping his chin, he took a couple of deep breaths of the crisp air to clear his head.

”Everything okay?” Mom asked softly from behind him.

Phil looked around to see his family waiting.

Anne smiled at his confusion. ”Did you really think we’d leave you to manage on your own?” She asked, arching her brow. ”Mark took the kids in already. We’ll escort you in, if it’s alright by Hawk.”

Phil could only nod mutely. He circled around the car to the passenger side and opened the door.

”So… my family would like escort us in,” he offered sheepishly. ”Mark is already inside, so I’m the only alpha near you.”

Clint nodded, a bit dazed, and let Phil help him out of the car. Anne, Julia, Brad, and Phil’s parents formed a circle around them, Phil tucked Clint under his arm, and together, they walked in.

From the inside, the church was beautifully decorated and lit with candles and chandeliers. The building itself was a modest one, but Phil liked it like that. Following his mom, Phil saw two pews that had empty space at the end, and that was where they were heading. As the drew closer, Phil spied the ’Reserved’ signs, and looked sharply up.

Mom shrugged. ”I called ahead,” she said with a soft smile. ”You two can sit there, and I’ll sit behind you with Anne, if Hawk allows it.”

Stupefied, Clint glanced at Phil, who nodded. The omega ducked his head, then looked at Mom and Anne and nodded with a shy smile.

As they took their places, and waited for the concert to begin, Phil couldn’t help but staring at Clint, looking curiously around from under Phil’s arm. The soft candlelight painted him golden and washed away the lines of his face, rendering him breathtaking. As if sensing him, Clint looked up and gave him a small smile, and, helplessly, Phil leaned in to kiss his forehead. 

Clint tensed, and, for a split second, Phil was afraid he had made a terrible mistake. He was about to apologize, when Clint shook his head with a somewhat shaky smile and reached out to grip his hand. 

Letting out a breath, Phil relaxed. 

When he felt his mom’s hand on his shoulder opposite Clint, and he tilted his head to press his cheek on it for a moment.

After the concert, when they were back in the car and ready to return to the Coulson house, Clint touched his hand.

”Thank you,” he whispered, barely audible over the low growl of the SUV engine.

”Did you like it?”

Clint nodded. ”Not my style, but I liked it.”

Phil gave him a fond smile. ”I’m glad.”

Part of the Coulson Christmas tradition was that they’d have a nightly snack after the concert. Phil explained about that and all the other holiday traditions during the drive, his alpha side preening at the careful attention Clint gave him. 

They decided they would at least give it a try, and if Clint felt too overwhelmed, they would take the food with them to the bedroom.

Back at the house, they let the others go in before them, while they took their time first getting out of the car and then looking at the starry sky overboard. To Phil, they were just bright twinkling lights, and he was pleasantly surprised when Clint started pointing out constellations. It turned out to be so interesting that they didn’t even realize when their toes started to go numb, and only went inside when Mom come out to herd them in to eat.

Even though Phil had told Clint that the whole midnight dinner was very informal, and that the decorations were there mainly because Mom loved to ”dress up” as she said, Clint paused by the doorway, tense and apprehensive. Phil didn’t blame him though, because he understood that a long table dressed in silver and red, set with silverware and crystal, and decorated with heavy candelabras, could be intimidating. 

As if sensing Clint’s discomfort, Mom took the lead, challenging the kids to come up with the most inventive ways to eat dinner. It ended up in attempts to drink non-alcoholic punch with a fork and eating roasted potatoes from a cognac glass with a small spoon. The look on Clint’s face on that was priceless. He turned to look at Phil with his jaw slack, and Phil rewarded him by winking and feeding him a piece of prosciutto. 

Clint blinked and chewed, looking at the Coulson family with something akin to wonder.

Phil was quite sure he had never loved his family as much as then.

The day after the concert was the day when Phil’s family traditionally opened their presents, but everyone silently agreed that it was best pushed forward a day to accommodate Clint. It was usually a time dedicated to the kids, and watching their joy about their presents always made Phil smile. 

This time, however, he had something else to watch.

Phil’s mom had given them the option to stay in the bedroom, but she had expressed a direct wish for the whole family to be present. The implications of the choice of words made Clint speechless for a long time, and when he followed Phil to the living room, he offered Mom a small, grateful smile. 

However, it was nothing compared to the look on his face when he was handed a very own present. Clint turned to look at Phil, a somewhat lost and confused look in his eyes.

”Yes, Hawk, it’s for you,” Phil said gently, resting his hand on Clint’s neck to give him something to ground himself into.

The rest of the Coulsons concentrated on their own presents, discreetly giving Clint space. He opened the present slowly, almost reverently, peeling off each tape with meticulous care. Phil kept an eye on him from the corner of his eye. 

The wrapping revealed a deep purple scarf, the kind Phil’s mom liked to wear. It had a delicate sheen to it, most likely from silk, Phil guessed. The pattern was an intricate jacquard, subtle but yet rich, adding a touch of luxury to it.

Clint stared at it, not daring to touch.

”I hope you like it,” Mom said softly. ”I noticed that you like purple, and I remembered I had seen this scarf in the shop I regularly visit to buy my own scarfs. It’s a silk/cashmere blend — very thin, very soft, and very warm."

Clint’s eyes were very bright as he glanced up at Mom. Then he reached out hesitantly, as if he was unsure if he was allowed to touch the scarf. 

Phil scented the moment when Clint got overwhelmed. He didn’t hesitate tucking Clint close, letting him hide his face against his chest. 

When he looked up at Mom, her eyes were gleaming with unshed tears.

’Thank you,’ he mouthed. 

Mom nodded, and busied herself with the kids.

Some while later, Phil more felt than heard Clint sniff and snuggle a bit sideways. He dared a peek, and saw Clint cradling the scarf in his hands, stroking it almost reverently.

Later that night, when Phil thought Clint had already fallen asleep, he whispered against Phil’s neck, ”I don’t understand.”

”Hmh?”

”Why did she do that?”

Phil didn’t pretend not to understand what Clint was talking about. ”She noticed you like purple. She wanted to give you something you might like.”

”But… why?” Clint frowned, genuinely confused. ”Why are they all so nice to me? I didn’t even give your mom anything. She didn’t have to— ”

”You might think that’s true,” Phil interrupted gently, ”but you’re wrong. You did give her — us all — something. You gave us your trust by coming here, eating with us, and coming to the church, even though it was hard for you.” 

He paused for a moment, considering his words carefully. 

”They are nice because they are nice people,” he said slowly, leaving out the obvious ’and it’s polite and basic human decency.’ That would’ve been needlessly cruel. ”But they are nice also because they are family, and because you’re with me, that makes you family too.”

Clint fell silent, thinking. Finally he asked, hesitantly, ”Is there something she would like?”

Phil let out a delicate breath. ”I’m pretty sure she would be honored if you gave her a hug, not only because she loves hugs, but because she knows how much it means to you. But Clint,” Phil said sternly, turning to look at him in the dim light, ”I say this because you asked, not because I think you should pay her back.”

Clint looked at him with serious eyes and a thoughtful frown between his brows.

”I know,” he said.

The following couple of days felt like a dream. 

Phil and Clint spent virtually all their time together, getting more comfortable with each other’s scents and proximity. They sat on the couch reading quietly side by side and took long, leisurely walks to watch stars or pry the tasteful and awful Christmas decoration around the neighborhood. Sometimes they talked, but mostly they were silent, sharing small looks and smiles every now and then.

It felt an awful lot like old-fashioned courting, and Phil thought it was perfect. He was quite sure Clint had never been showered with all the attention he deserved or wanted, just for the simple reason of pleasing him and making him to feel good. Phil didn’t deny he had more than a smidgen of traditionalist in him, and indulging Clint gave him a deep sense of satisfaction that practically made his alpha side purr.

Understandably, it took some cajoling to get Clint wholeheartedly enjoying his time. He could relax quite easily with Phil, but bigger crowds made him nervous, especially if they were being raucous or contained even one alpha. Phil soothed him by explaining that strange alphas wouldn’t bother him because Clint was completely covered in Phil’s scent — not to mention the fact that he was usually either holding hands with Phil or safely tucked under his arm.

Nevertheless, Phil glared polite murder at anyone who dared looking to Clint’s direction. It was just a precaution — it wasn’t like he actually growled.

He decided to ignore Clint’s incredulous looks at his posturing.

One day, when they were circling around the Winter Fair, Phil noticed how Clint slowed down and glanced repeatedly towards the archery booth with a wistful expression.

”Would you want to try?” Phil asked, nudging Clint.

Clint bit his lip and nodded. 

The look on Clint’s face when he drew the bow was something Phil had never even dreamed about seeing. Knocking the arrow back seemed to ground the omega, center and calm him in a way Phil had yet to see, and Phil was left speechless. He barely glanced at the target, more intent on watching Clint. 

Despite the fact that he was shooting a carnival bow, there was something fierce and proud about him, and Phil found himself falling a bit more in love with him.

After Clint was done, the booth manager squinted at the target with a perfect score, as if he found it faulty. Clint merely shrugged and offered him a lopsided smile as he chose a purple dinosaur plushie as his reward.

”That bow was a piece of shit,” he later whispered at Phil. ”It was rigged and wonky.”

”Really?”

Clint nodded. ”Too bad that I learned to shoot with bows like that,” he said and grinned, a small mischievous quirk of his lips.

Phil made a mental note about finding him a professional archery club to practice properly. He wanted to see Clint shoot again, but more importantly, he wanted to see that grin back on his face.

The next morning, Phil woke up with Clint in his arms and with his throbbing cock pressed against Clint’s behind. They had their pajamas on, which was a cold comfort — flimsy flannel did little to hide a full alpha erection standing in attention.

Phil tried to discreetly scoot back a little to prevent Clint from panicking, but he wasn’t sure he managed as well as he hoped. Besides, removing his groin from the sweet curve of Clint’s butt did nothing to mask the unmistakable scent of his arousal.

When Clint tensed up, Phil gave up the pretense of discretion and put some distance between them, muttering an embarrassed, ”Sorry,” and willing his cock down.

After a moment, Clint turned around with a thoughtful frown. 

”Why?” 

Phil frowned back, confused. ”Why what?”

”Why did you say you’re sorry?”

”Because I was practically humping you,” Phil explained slowly.

The frown didn’t leave Clint’s brow. ”But we’re about to be mated, aren’t we?”

Phil let out a deliberate breath. ”It still doesn’t grant me any rights.” He turned on his back and rubbed a hand over his face. ”Even though you said you want to mate me, it doesn’t give me the right to crowd you in your sleep. Whatever happens between us, it happens on your terms.”

Clint sat up, leaning on his hand, a stupefied look on his face. ”So… if I say I don’t want you to mount me, you won’t?” The way he said it, with a slight sneer, told Phil loud and clear what he expected as an answer.

”I’m not going to lie to you, Clint. You’re very attractive, and if we keep on sharing the bed, this—” Phil pointed at his groin, ”—will happen more often than not. But I can promise you that I will never do anything you don’t want me to do. So if you ask me not to mount you, I won’t.”

”Yeah. Right,” Clint snorted. ”You’re an alpha. All alphas want to mount an omega in heat.”

”Wanting isn’t the same as doing,” Phil said quietly. ”Like I told you, I’m a registered and certified emergency alpha, and I have a lot more control over my actions than alphas usually have. But if you’re unsure, you can tie me up.”

Clint rolled his eyes, but when Phil didn’t say anything more, he cocked his head and searched Phil’s face for a long time.

”You’re serious,” he whispered hoarsely.

Phil nodded.

”But… you’re an alpha!”

Slowly, Phil reached out his hand to cup Clint’s face. ”To me, being an alpha means I get to take care of people that are important to me. And if taking care of you means you tie me up, so be it.”

Something heartbreakingly vulnerable ghosted over Clint’s face before he closed his eyes and leaned on Phil’s palm.

Later, when Clint was in the shower and Phil was tidying up the bedroom, he wondered if Clint had ever had the chance to be important to anyone.

After they’d made their way into the kitchen for late breakfast, Mark nudged Phil to the side.

”You might want to head home soon,” he said with a raised brow.

”Huh?”

”I think you’ll both be more comfortable if you mate in the peace of your home instead of here.”

Phil blinked and glanced at Clint. ”Oh.” He cocked his head and frowned. ”You can tell already?” He hadn’t detected any change in Clint’s scent yet.

Mark shrugged. ”Let’s just say that certain behavioral patterns are familiar,” he said shrewdly.

Phil nodded, serious. ”To be honest, I’m at a bit of a loss.”

”Aren’t you certified and registered?” Mark asked in his straightforward way.

”Yes, but it’s been a while,” Phil admitted, silently adding, And I’ve never been in love with my charge before. He sat heavily down, and blew out a lungful of air. ”He’s been abused so much. What if I — I don’t know, mess it up royally?”

Mark let out a sympathetic sound. ”I really can’t help you with that, otherwise than to say to listen to him. Despite his past, he seems to have a pretty strong mind, and he’s determined to see this through. See if you can go without knotting him, although, as you know, it might be contradictory to managing his heat. Or, you can always ask him to ride you if he’s afraid to be pinned down.”

Phil let out a noncommittal huff. In all honesty, he wasn’t that keen on discussing his and Clint’s mating and different positions with Mark, but apart from Fury, he was the only alpha Phil was close to. In addition to that, there really weren’t that many people he could’ve even talked about Clint.

”If it’s any help, I think Anne has had some words with him,” Mark added. ”And you know your sister: She’s even more blunt than I am, so I think she’s got it all covered.”

Phil closed his eyes and groaned. 

Yes, Anne was probably the best person to talk Clint through the basics of a mating heat, but Phil had no doubts she most likely added in a heavy dose of Phil’s Most Embarrassing Moments Of All Times, claiming it was her right as the little sister.

Throughout the day, Phil paid closer attention to Clint. It didn’t take him long to realize Mark was right: Clint was a bit restless, tended to snuggle close even more than earlier, and he seemed slightly flushed. His scent grew slowly warmer and sweeter, and there was an undercurrent of something that made Phil want to bury his nose on Clint’s neck and just breathe.

Yes. It was definitely time to leave.

When they went to bed, Clint piled up blankets and pillows to build a nest of sorts, letting out a content sigh as he curled in the middle. 

With a fond smile, Phil climbed in after him and gathered him close, stroked his side with long, gentle swipes, and asked, ”How are you feeling?”

Clint squirmed, as if attempting to get closer. ”Weird,” he whispered. ”I’m antsy and restless, and my stomach hurts. It’s better when I’m near you.” He fell silent for a moment. ”I talked to Anne. Or, well, she talked and I listened, but anyway. I guess I’m going into heat.”

Phil nodded. ”I’m aware. What do you want to do?”

Clint pressed his face against Phil’s chest. ”I wanna go back to your place. I wanna go home,” he whispered, barely audible.

Phil swallowed heavily. Hearing Clint call his place ’home’ made something funny flip in his guts and filled him with a special kind of anticipation. His alpha side was almost purring, and he was sure his scent was warm with contentment and adoration.

Almost absently, Clint rubbed his cheek on Phil’s chest and burrowed close, adding to Phil’s happy mood.

The next morning, Phil woke up with an insistent erection again. Remembering the morning before, he was slightly surprised Clint was still asleep, but perhaps the settling pre-heat fatigue and their talk from last night helped him to sleep through Phil’s cock poking him in the butt.

Carefully, he got up and started folding their clothes into neat piles. He didn’t want to pack yet lest to awake Clint, but he needed something to do. Tidying up and clearing the space placated the slightly nervous alpha inside him, and gave him the chance to be near Clint. He wasn’t even fully descending into heat yet, but Phil still felt the need to hover.

When he had no more clothes to fold, he decided he could leave Clint alone for a couple of minutes while he prepared breakfast. He was quite sure Anne had warned the rest of the family about the situation, and, therefore, he wasn’t surprised when he walked into the kitchen to see Mom and both of his sisters waiting. The kids and his both brothers-in-law were suspiciously absent from the downstairs.

”So, you’re leaving?” Mom asked. Her voice was calm, but Phil knew her well enough to know she was emotional.

Phil nodded. ”Yes. Hawk wants to go back.” He took a breath. ”He said he wants to go home.”

”Oh sweetheart,” Mom said and gave him a tight hug. ”I’m so happy for you both.”

Phil shook his head and gave her a rueful smile. ”Thanks. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I just hope everything goes well.”

Anne laid a hand on his arm and gave him an encouraging squeeze. ”I talked to him for a good while last night. He seems to understand what’s going to happen, but the reality might still scare him when his heat fully hits. I think a cuddle-centric heat with lots of skin contact without knotting might do him good, because, honestly, he seems quite touch-depraved.”

Despite his experience as an emergency alpha from years back, as a mature, experienced omega, Anne had a lot more first-hand information about heats than Phil. So Phil nodded seriously, and dealt with the embarrassment of being on the receiving end of sex-ed advice from his little sister with grace.

”I promised him that I won’t hurt him,” he said quietly. ”I also told him he can tie me up if he needs to.”

Julia opened her mouth a couple of times before she chuckled softly. ”I’m sure I could’ve survived without knowing that about your preferences, but…” She shrugged and kissed his cheek. ”I’m happy for you both. I know he can trust you. I just hope you remember to trust yourself too.”

”I packed you lunch to go,” Mom said from his side, fussing with several packages and containers. 

”Thank you Mom,” Phil said. ”And thank you for everything, for his sake.”

”Oh stop it before you make me cry,” Mom sniffed with a wet smile. ”Go wake up your young man so that you can have an early start.”

Phil nodded and went upstairs.

Clint was awake, dressed again in the faded jeans and purple jumper, with his gift scarf loosely wrapped around his neck. He had finished packing for Phil, undressed the bed, and folded the sheets and beddings into neat piles, and was sitting on the edge of the bed, his leg jittering nervously. There was a slightly lost look in his eyes when he glanced at Phil.

”Ready to go?” Phil asked gently, and Clint nodded.

Phil grabbed their bags and gave Clint an encouraging smile as they went to downstairs. He left their bags by the door to wait until they were ready to leave. 

The solid breakfast they had went perhaps slightly overboard, but Phil knew his mother: she had an innate need to feed the people she loved, and it had been too long since Phil had had the chance to fully appreciate it. Besides, Clint’s face and scent clearly told them all what a novelty it was to have someone fuss around him, and Mom grabbed the opportunity to spoil him.

After they had eaten, Mom shoved them a big tote bag full of food.

”This was the lunch you packed us?” Phil asked. ”It’s enough to feed a small village!”

”Don’t you roll your your eyes at me, Phil,” Mom warned. ”I just want to be sure you eat properly. And it’s not like either of you will be in any condition to cook for a while.” 

Despite her words, Phil rolled his eyes fondly, gave her a tight hug, and kissed her goodbye.

When he let go, he saw Clint shifting on his legs, peeking a glance at Mom from under his lashes. He was about to ask if everything was alright, when Clint squared his shoulders, took a breath, and stepped forward. Mom let out a soft gasp when Clint hugged her clumsily, but she soon recovered and wrapped her arms around him with extreme care to avoid spooking him.

”Thank you for coming, Hawk. It was an honor to meet you,” she said softly.

To Phil’s surprise, Clint ducked his head a bit and whispered something into Mom’s ear.

Mom let out a soft huff of laughter that came out as a sob. ”Thank you, Clint,” she whispered back.

Phil thought his heart would burst at the emotion.

The hug lasted surprisingly long, and when Clint shifted, ready to end it, Mom let instantly go. Phil realized she had been ready to keep hugging Clint for as long as he wanted.

”Take care of Phil, will you?” Mom said to Clint, giving Phil a fond smile. ”He sometimes forgets to take care of himself.”

Clint nodded somberly and took a step back. He stayed in the background and watched intently the routine of more hugs, some kisses, some tears, and a lot of laughter as they said their goodbyes before packing the car and starting off.

It didn’t take long for Clint to fall asleep, and Phil was happy about that. He had both seen and smelled how overwhelmed Clint had grown during the hug; how his own reactions and the whole encounter had given him a lot to think about. Combined with the whole trip and the hormonal strain of the oncoming heat, it was no wonder he was exhausted.

Phil turned the classic jazz station on a low murmur and concentrated on driving his omega home safely.

It was late when they finally arrived home. After several hours in a small space with a pre-heat Clint, Phil himself was more than slightly on edge, and he wanted them inside, safely in his own territory as soon as possible. 

After he parked the car, he gently nudged Clint awake and coaxed him up the stairs to the third floor and inside his — their — apartment. Luckily to Phil’s alpha side, Clint was sleepy and docile, content to be herded in front of Phil without a complaint. Once they were safely in, he guided Clint to rest on the couch while he unpacked the food Mom had given them and divided it into equal portions to be easily snatched from the fridge when Clint needed to eat. 

Because he had had no time for grocery shopping before he had taken Clint in, his kitchen was woefully understocked, and his alpha side grumbled, dismayed. Frowning at the lack of fresh fruits and vegetables, he rummaged his freezer for pre-packed smoothie packs he had once bought when they were on sale. They weren’t as good as fresh ingredients, but they would have to do. He vowed he would do better by Clint during his next heat.

Assuming that Clint wanted to share another heat with him, of course.

When he was done in the kitchen, satisfied that it was in order to provide for an omega in heat, Phil made his way to the master bedroom to air it and change the sheets. Even though Phil had shared heats with several omegas as an emergency alpha, he didn’t own sheets designed specifically for heat purpose. However, he decided they probably could manage with a pile of towels and a couple of spare sets of sheet. He made the bed with his best and softest set, piled spare blankets in a loose circle to create a rudimentary nest, and added a neat pile of towels on both sides of the bed with the protein bars and sport drinks he had found in his pantry.

When everything was ready, Phil hurried back to Clint. Even though they were in the same apartment, he itched to be near Clint, to hold him close and bury himself in his scent. He restrained himself, though, and reached out to gently grip Clint on the shoulder to wake him up.

”The bedroom is ready,” he said softly when Clint blinked himself awake. ”How are you feeling?”

Slowly, Clint pushed himself to sit up, and frowned. ”Grimy,” he whispered and scrunched his nose.

”Would you like to take a bath?”

Clint nodded. 

”Okay,” Phil said and stood up. ”Wait here.”

He went into kitchen to pour a glass of orange juice and came back to hand it to Clint, who stared at the glass, looking sleep-mussed, confused, and grumpy. Phil gave in the temptation and bent to peck a kiss on top of Clint’s head.

”Drink this,” he prompted, lifting the glass a bit to encourage Clint. 

Clint obeyed, and with a satisfied nod, Phil went to ready the bathroom.

He contemplated for a moment whether to use any scented bathing oils or foams, and decided against it. He didn’t want any foreign scents muddling their natural pheromones, and the mild lemongrass-scented shampoo he planned on washing Clint’s hair would be more than enough. While the bathtub filled, Phil lit several candles around the small space and put towels and bathrobes on the heated towel rack to wait.

Clint had finished his juice and was sitting at the edge of the couch as Phil came to get him. His scent was sweeter, as if being back in Phil’s apartment had called on his heat in earnest, but he looked tense, with hunched shoulders and hands clasped tightly together. 

Phil knelt beside him and gave him a small smile while keeping sure his own scent was calm and safe.

”The bath’s ready in a minute,” he said when Clint met his eyes. 

”Will you come with me?” Clint asked.

”If you want me to,” Phil said easily and helped Clint up.

The bathroom was warm and the candles lit it in soft light. Phil experienced a fleeting a moment of doubt that he was being overly cliché-y, but when Clint’s eyes widened in wonder and his scent deepened in happiness, he knew he had made the right choice. As sappy as a candle-lit bathroom might have been, Clint seemed to like it, and that was what counted.

With unhurried moves, Phil helped Clint to undress and, after checking the water temperature was right, helped him into the bathtub. Despite that he seemed relaxed enough, there was a faint undercurrent of nervousness in his scent, but as long as it didn’t turn into fear, Phil guessed it was alright. After all, this was effectively Clint’s first time, and it was no wonder he was nervous. 

As he took his own clothes off, he noticed Clint watching him from the corner of his eye. Working in SHIELD Security kept him in rather good condition, and Phil knew that, compared to other alphas of his own age, he had nothing to be ashamed about. It didn’t keep him from wondering if Clint liked what he saw.

Pushing away his thoughts about his own appearance, Phil eased to sit in the tub behind Clint, sloshing water over the brim, and maneuvered Clint to scoot back into the V of his legs. Gently, he tugged Clint to lean against his chest and rest his head on Phil’s shoulder. With a small sigh, Clint turned his head to press the tip of his nose against the skin of Phi’s neck. His breath ghosted over the damp skin just under his ear and he swallowed.

”Are you comfortable?” He asked softly.

Clint let out a small, content sound, and as he started to exude the warm scent of a pleased omega, Phil  got his answer.

Phil lost the sense of time of how long they stayed in the tub. A couple of times, when the water had turned tepid, he let some out and added more hot water to keep the temperature up. At times he pecked a kiss on Clint’s temple and ran his hands over his chest, but mostly they stayed still and enjoyed the quiet sense of intimacy without the consuming urgency of full heat.

When Clint’s stomach growled loud enough to hear even from underwater, Phil decided it was time to move. Patiently, he coaxed Clint to first sit up and then stand, and washed him while the omega leaned against him, trusting and pliant after the long skin contact. After he was done, he wrapped Clint in warm towels and a bathrobe to wait as he quickly washed himself.

It was more than obvious that Clint was descending into the heat drowsiness in earnest, and Phil didn’t even try to get him to eat by himself, deciding to feed him instead. The way Clint rested against Phil’s chest, content and trusting, emitting a scent that made Phil slightly light-headed and drunk, made something fierce and protective flare in Phil’s heart.

Years ago, one of Phil’s professors had said that the scent of a happy, sated omega was like catnip to alphas. Right now, Phil believed he knew exactly what that meant. 

As much as Clint seemed to be cooperating at the moment, docile and smelling safe, Phil didn’t know what to expect once they were naked and under covers. Usually, omegas maintained at least part of their lucidity even in the throes of heat, but no matter how much Clint trusted Phil, he might still panic when skin-to-skin with an aroused alpha. Phil didn’t fool himself by thinking that a couple of nights in the same bed with pajamas on would prepare Clint for the mating in any way. 

Like he had suspected, Clint’s scent turned nervous and apprehensive the moment they entered the bedroom and he took in the bed, dressed for mating, but he stayed under Phil’s arm and didn’t try to bolt. 

Phil counted it as a win.

”How are you feeling?” Phil asked softly.

More alert than in the kitchen, Clint shrugged, but didn’t meet Phil’s eyes.

”Clint, if you want me to stop, you tell me to stop, understand?”

That made Clint to glance at Phil of the corner of his eye, and the eyeroll was more than visible even from that angle.

”Yeah, sure,” he rasped hoarsely.

Phil huffed an exasperated breath. ”I mean it,” he said sternly, letting the barest sliver of his alpha voice out. ”If you feel unsafe or you want me to stop, you tell me. Is that clear?”

Clint’s mouth fell slightly open and he looked at Phil with wide eyes, and for a second, Phil feared that using his alpha voice in the bedroom had been too much. Then Clint closed his mouth with a snap, swallowed, and nodded.

Phil let out a slow breath and asked, ”Can I kiss you?” 

He waited for Clint’s shy nod before he leaned forward and claimed Clint’s mouth in a gentle kiss. It was clumsy at first, with a bit too much teeth and the angle slightly off, but then Phil tilted his head a fraction, and they fitted. He explored Clint’s mouth with slow intent, giving him time to adjust to the intrusion and move away if he so wanted. It was heady and arousing, and his alpha side wanted nothing more but to surge forward and claim, but he reeled it in, determined to proceed at Clint’s pace.

When they parted, Clint’s lips were pink and swollen from the kiss, and instead of nervous and apprehensive, the air around them smelled of combined arousal, home, and mate. 

Slowly, Phil peeled their bathrobes off, letting them drop on the floor where they stood. Clint shivered at the cool air on his skin, and without further ado, Phil took him to bed, and gently pushed him to lie down before settling beside him.

”Do you understand what’ll happen next?”

Clint nodded and snuggled close, his instincts driving him to seek skin contact with the alpha he trusted.

”Tell me,” Phil asked.

With a sigh, Clint raised his head from Phil’s chest and gave him an unimpressed look. ”You’ll scent-mark me by sniffing and rubbing me all over, then I’ll sleep, and the next time I’m awake, you’ll fuck me and we’ll bond.”

Phil blinked. ”Well… essentially, yes, although that’s not how I would’ve put it,” he said, slightly off-put.

Clint rolled his eyes. ”Thanks to your sister, I know what will happen. Stop worrying.”

”But I can’t,” Phil said with a small shake of his head. ”And I don’t want to. I consider it a privilege, worrying about you.”

For a moment, Clint just stared at him, as if he wondered if Phil was being serious. Then he shook his head with a huff and snuggled close. Phil could feel his lips move against his skin, and, even though he didn’t hear the words, he guessed Clint made a comment about his weird alpha-ness. The sweet spike of Clint’s scent only emphasized his reaction. 

Phil hid his smile in Clint’s hair and breathed in his scent.

It didn’t take Clint long to fall asleep. Under the blankets, their combined scent grew strong and saturated, and Clint’s heat pheromones only added to it. Phil knew that after the heat, his whole apartment would smell like them. He couldn’t wait for it.

While Clint slept, Phil scent-marked him carefully, running his hands over Clint’s body and peppering his skin with small kisses wherever he could reach. Were more familiar with each other, Phil might have licked and sucked visible marks around the omega, but as it was, he settled for wrapping Clint in his own scent as thoroughly as he could. 

Clint was half-hard almost from the start, but Phil avoided touching his groin on purpose. They hadn’t talked about whether or not Phil had permission to get Clint off while he slept, and even though taking the edge off usually eased the beginning of the heat, Phil didn’t want to impose. His own arousal was a low-burning heat in his gut, simmering in the background, but as Clint descended into full heat and the pheromone-laden air around them grew thick with the tantalizing scent of his slick, Phil’s cock filled to full hardness.

Clint was asleep, facing Phil while plastered on his side, when he started to gently rock against Phil’s thigh, and Phil knew he was finally in full heat. 

Gently, Phil tugged him closer to give him better leverage. ”Come on, sweetheart,” he encouraged, guiding Clint’s movements from his hips. ”Get yourself off, just like that.”

He was fully hard himself now, but he knew he wouldn’t come without pressure around his knot. That didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy the delicious drag of his cock against Clint’s hip. On the contrary: it also added to scent-marking, what with his precome rubbing into Clint’s skin.

The omega came a short while later with a soft gasp, spurting on Phil’s skin. The combined scent of come and slick was heady, and Phil suppressed an appreciative growl. Instead, he stroked Clint’s sweaty hair and tilted his head up to give him a small kiss.

Clint’s face was relaxed and his eyes glowed softly with gold as he gave Phil a small, sated smile.

”Hi,” Phil said, smiling back at him. ”How are you?”

”Hot,” Clint whispered. ”Achy. Itchy. Horny.” He paused and made a face. ”My ass leaks.”

Phil couldn’t suppress a grin. ”Sounds about right,” he said and kissed Clint again. Then he sobered. ”I’m not going to mount you. Instead, I’d like you to turn to your other side so that I can take you from behind, if that’s alright by you.”

Clint frowned. 

”You said you didn’t like to be pinned down. If we’re both on our sides, your hands are free, and you can curl away from me if you feel like it.” 

Phil seriously hoped Clint would be more amenable to cuddling, and by the pointed eyeroll, he guessed that was the case. 

”Also, when you’re on your side, you can reach the taser that’s on your side’s nightstand.”

”A what?” Clint’s croak was bewildered.

”The taser,” Phil said calmly. ”If you want to stop and, for some reason, I don’t obey you, use it on me.”

”Or not,” Clint huffed.

”I mean it—” Phil started, but didn’t get any further before Clint jabbed him in the chest with his finger.

”Shut up and mate me already,” he ordered and turned around, wiggling closer to press his butt against Phil’s groin.

Because Phil was a good alpha, he obeyed.

Despite all his bravado, Clint was tense, and Phil started with caressing Clint’s sides as he pecked kisses in his neck, nibbling and licking the swollen bonding gland, making Clint shiver and arch his neck for better access. 

Trailing his fingers slowly across the skin, Phil coaxed Clint to gradually relax, making him come, and teasing his hole so that he was panting and sighing and pushing back against Phil’s fingers. Whispering sweet praises in Clint’s ear, Phil hitched his upper leg up and towards his chest to expose his hole, lubed himself with Clint’s slick, and pushed carefully in, mindful of even the slightest sign of discomfort. It took time to bottom out, but Phil was patient, concentrating fully on Clint’s pleasure. 

He kept his movements as slow rocking, determined to make Clint climax several times before he finally pushed and ground the final inch, forcing his partially swollen knot past the rim to fully inflate and finally lock them together. 

Clint trembled as the pressure against his inner walls wrung one more orgasm out of him, and at the same time, Phil bit into his neck, breaking the gland and initiating the bond. The dual sensations made Clint cry out a hoarse, garbled sound, and he went completely boneless in Phil’s hold as the bond seeped in place.

Phil groaned as his own orgasm washed over him, wave after wave, as if Clint’s body was trying to milk him dry. He pressed his forehead against Clint’s neck, right beside the fresh mating mark and shuddered as he came yet again inside of his omega, drawing a soft sigh from Clint.

Knowing that the first knotting would take a long time, Phil tugged the blankets over them, curled himself around his omega, and settled to wait.

Clint’s heat lasted for almost five days. At the end, they both were chafed sore and tired to the bone, and Clint’s scent had deepened into the one of fully mated omega. Phil knew that his own scent had changed too, and that he was now carrying the distinctive imprint of Clint in his base scent. True to his promise, Phil hadn’t even once tried to mount Clint or to pin him down, going as far as to avoid the traditional face-to-face position out of fear that it would trigger Clint.

To Phil’s utmost pleasure (and Clint’s small surprise), Clint had turned out to enjoy pushing Phil around in bed, and happy to comply, Phil had let him, interested in and more than a little turned on to see where it would lead them. When Clint loomed over him with a certain challenge in his eyes, Phil made himself to relax and tilted his chin up a fraction to bare his throat in submission. The way how Clint’s eyes widened and then turned hungry at the un-alpha like gesture was all Phil needed to know he had tapped in something important.

However, as enjoyable as mutual orgasms were, Phil was man enough to admit that he enjoyed the lulls in Clint’s heat the most: the warm, slow moments when they were wrapped around each other, hands and feet entangled. Phil had always taken great pride in making the omegas in his charge feel good, cherished and precious. The fact that he was now cradling his very own, mated omega in his arms, only made it even more important.

Clint on his part, absorbed everything like a sponge, outwardly rolling his eyes at the kisses, caresses, and endearments Phil pressed into his skin, but the way he arched to the touch and how his scent turned pleased — happy — loved belied his true feelings.

Phil didn’t care that Clint had said he wasn’t looking for the love of his life. They fit well together, and the more Clint learned to trust Phil, the more he let Phil see of his personality, and Phil felt increasingly drawn to him. This thing between them felt good and right, and it was enough. 

He couldn’t wait for the rest of their life to begin.