You sit and stare and wonder.
You think back to the man in whose shadow you grew up. You tried to aim so high but you never reached as far, never was as good as him. You grew up, hearing day after day how much better he was, how perfect, how wonderful.
He had ambitions, your father says, speaking of fame and fate, and you just wait for your father to notice you, to finally define your worth as his son. He never does, but it doesn’t stop you from hoping.
And then your parents are gone in a terrible incident that leaves you frayed in the edges, blindly grasping at the remaining fragments of someone you were once meant to be. You build that someone up from torn bits and scattered pieces and wish no-one will ever look closely enough to see what you’re really made of.
When the day comes when you meet the one you father idolized, you seethe. How dares he be so sure of himself and speak high words of honor when he’s still like an awkward, newborn calf in a world he no longer belongs in.
But after a while, he somehow worms his way under your skin, into your bone and marrow, and you start to understand, and you’d die to be like him.
You don’t want to be someone like you. You think that no-one should be like you.
I don’t trust a guy without a dark side, you tell him one day, even though you do trust him with your heart and soul, whether you dare to admit it to yourself or not. He says you haven’t seen his dark side yet and you scoff, disbelieving. You don’t believe he has one.
Until later.
Too late, you realize you tapped right into his dark side, invited it in with your arms open wide. After venomous words and vicious punches, after greeting your own death in his furious eyes and with his shield jammed into your chest, you finally understand. His dark side is his ruthless, insane desire to protect his heart and his willingness to burn the world to keep it safe.
You didn’t believe him in time and lost half of your own in the aftermath.
As your world crumbles around you once more, shattering you into million sherds, he walks away with his heart, leaving you to pick up the pieces.
You close your eyes and wonder if there are enough pieces left to start over. Again.