”—and his muscly thighs and the pert globes of freedom that also go for Captain America’s ass were the crowning jewels of this outing. The villain of the week must’ve felt faint not only when facing the unyieldingly proud pectorals but also the firm jawline of righteousness—”
Tony choked on his coffee. He’d learned to expect almost anything when walking into the communal living room but sometimes Clint still took him by surprise. He was pretty sure it was a condition he couldn’t help. ”What the fuck are you talking about?” He asked after hacking out half a lung.
Clint was flat on his back on the floor, holding up his phone. ”Firm jawline of righteousness,” he repeated slightly louder, as if that would shut Tony up or drive him away. ”A certain light of stormy determination shone from his eyes as he strode forward to meet the unfortunate individual who dared to thwart the safety of Captain America’s hometown. With one, strong move, he flung his shield and it sailed through the air like vengeance incarnate, toppling the villain from their throne.”
”What. The Fuck,” Tony said.
”Hey, I’m just reading what they wrote,” Clint said, waving his hand from the floor.
”Who?”
”The blogger, jawlineofrighteousness dot tumbler dot com,” Clint said.
”Clint,” Steve sighed from behind Tony. He sounded disappointed which, well, was pretty much a baseline when dealing with Clint off-mission.
”What? I can’t help it! Their language is so…” He let out a dreamy sound. ”Descriptive.”
”Wait,” Tony said and whirled around, jabbing a finger at Steve’s chest. Firm, lovely chest. At least the blogger got that right. ”You knew about this?”
Steve shrugged and ducked his head a bit. ”They’ve been around for a while.”
Tony gasped. ”Why haven’t I been informed?”
”Because you’d make it weird,” Clint commented.
”I would not,” Tony said, affronted.
”You’d argue with them like you did with the blogger who wrote that piece about Bruce’s transformation to Hulk.”
”First of all, they were wrong—”
”Stop the press, someone’s wrong on the internet!”
”Don’t get cute, Legolas, it doesn’t suit you,” Tony said. ”Their deductions on the conversion theory were wrong, I had to. But why would I correct someone who’s clearly right?”
”Tony—”
”What?” He said, throwing his hands wide. ”I agree with them on everything they said about you, although I might argue that your crown jewels are your crown jewels, not your ass, as lovely as it is.”
Clint let out a bleating sound. ”This! This is also weird!”
”Hey, if you’re not comfortable with me praising my husband’s assets, you shouldn’t recite a Cap-worshipper’s blog where anyone could hear you,” Tony pointed out.
”Tony—”
”Yes, darling?”
Steve shook his head with an exasperated smile. ”Shut up,” he said and then kissed him for a good measure.
It was a good day.