Halo

It was early October and the air was already turning crisp. At night, frost peppered the ground, covering the grass and small ponds in a thin sheen of ice, only to be gone when the sun rose. It was a reminder of the end, of the withering death of the old and frail.

The headlights of his car sliced the darkness, driving continuously into a pool of light. He probably should’ve been afraid in that solitary splash of light, but Daniel had never feared the dark. Darkness was only an absence of light, something hidden and waiting. Things of darkness would reveal themselves when they felt like it, and charging at them with blazing torches and flashlights rarely did much good anyway. It was better to wait.

Perhaps that was the reason Daniel enjoyed his work as a CPS consultant so much. He had had his share of raised eyebrows at his career choice, but he didn’t mind. He wanted to make a difference, and the teenagers tended to be the easily ignored part of the population. His patience, combined with his mental abilities, had helped him through several harsh encounters.

It was quiet in the car. Sandra slept on the seat beside him, with his coat as her blanket. In the back, Rob and Maya slept soundly, their hands clasped together and their temples resting against each other. Daniel smiled fondly. The twins lived in their own world and had their own language and pranks. At the age of five, they were more than capable of interacting with ’outsiders,’ as they called everybody else but each other, they just didn’t often choose to do so. Samuel sat up, looking out of the window.

Daniel let his mind touch the twins very gently. They slept calm and comfortable. Samuel’s consciousness brushed against his, and met his firstborn’s eyes via mirror.

”There’s still a bit to go,” Daniel said softly, to avoid waking up his mate. ”You should try to get some sleep.”

Samuel turned his head from the window. ”I can’t.”

They drove on in silence. Daniel could feel his son pondering something, but he also knew that Samuel would talk at his own pace.

”Will granddad be still alive when we get there?” Samuel finally asked.

Ah, of course. ”Yes,” he said gently. ”He made a promise, remember?”

Samuel nodded and leaned his head back.

In many ways, Samuel reminded Daniel of his father. Dad had always been a goofball, his easy and trusting nature shining through even the darkest times. But Father had always been different, for obvious reasons, of course. But Daniel suspected that Father would’ve stood out even if he had been a regular human. Samuel had the same strong will, and the ability to focus intently on something, and he had his grandfather’s eyes.

It had hardly been a surprise to Daniel that Samuel had inherited his abilities.

For a pup of eight, Samuel was surprisingly perceptive. After Daniel, he had been the first to notice something wrong with Dad, but he hadn’t told Daniel about his suspicions. Instead, he had mulled them over alone, trying to figure out how to proceed. It had taken Daniel an embarrassingly long time to realize that his son was scared and at a loss of what to do. He had talked briefly with Sandra of how to approach the topic, and then had explained the situation to his son as well as he could. Afterwards, Samuel’s fears hadn’t actually gone away, they had transformed. Now, Samuel was afraid they wouldn’t make it in time.

It was well past midnight when they finally arrived. Daniel smiled when he noticed the lanterns placed like landing lights for him to park the car. Trust Dad to still order him around.

He parked, unbuckled his seat belt and shook his mate gently to wake her up.

”Sandra? We’re here. Samuel’s awake, but the twins are soundly asleep. I need your help, either with them or the bags.”

His mate scrunched her nose and blinked. ”Smells funny,” she said, her voice hoarse from sleep.

”It’s the marsh.”

”Tell me again why on earth your dad built a house here?”

He grinned. ”It’s a long story, but hopefully something we’ll hear soon.”

Dad had noticed the tremors several years back. At first, he had thought it was only exhaustion. It hadn’t even been that far-fetched: Dad often to work himself near collapsing, working a full day at the garage and repairing the house during his free time.

So, when his left hand had started to shake, Dad really hadn’t thought that much about it. He had tried to rest more and eat properly, and he even cut back his work load, just a bit. The tremors had come and gone, sometimes there and sometimes not. Dad hadn’t brought it up, the stubborn old man he was, so the situation had progressed quite far before the Daniel had found out. Daniel had begged, threatened, and bodily dragged dad to see a doctor, promising to treat him with a burger afterwards.

He hadn’t. Instead, he had called Uncle Sam.

Dad had been pissed. He had wanted to hide and deny everything and pretend everything was as it used to be. He didn’t want anyone’s pity, he didn’t want the research articles Uncle Sam would going to pull out and present him, he didn't want to participate in experimental treatments. It wasn't that Dad had wanted to deny his diagnosis. On the contrary, he had listened the doctor, accepted the written information and asked appropriate questions regarding his upcoming challenges, mainly to upgrade the house while he still could do it himself.

Dad wanted to live instead of fade away.

Even then, Daniel had anticipated what was to come.

The house was silent, but Daniel had no doubts that whoever was in the vicinity of, say, several miles was wide awake by the time his little family finally made it to the porch. The twins threw a hissy fit the moment their hands were separated. Daniel was sure his pups were somehow related to banshees for all the wailing that came out of them.

He opened the door and peeked inside. ”Dad?”

He heard a dry chuckle from the couch. ”You sure know how to announce your brood.”

”Granddad!” Samuel squealed, pushed Daniel aside, and ran to the couch.

”Well, hel – offf,” the greeting ended in a slightly pained grunt. ”Sorry pup, I’m a bit stiff, so you have to do all the hugging.”

The words were halting and slurred. Daniel paused for a second to collect himself. Sandra cupped his cheek, and he closed his eyes and leaned on the touch. Then he breathed deeply, opened his eyes, and gave his mate a grateful smile.

”Okay, in we go!”

The house looked pretty much the same as it always had, perhaps a little shabbier, fraying along the edges. Like Dad, Daniel thought. Dad had flatly refused to have modern technology in his house, claiming he didn’t need any of it, and that they would use too much electricity anyway. Daniel always suspected Dad’s choices had more to do with Father —that Dad wanted to keep everything as natural as possible for Father to visit. The house had always been more of a nest than a house, and Daniel silently reveled in it staying virtually unchanged.

He knew the Dunsmuiners took care of Dad and at least once a week someone stopped by: cleaned the house, prepared food, checked Dad’s medicines, helped him bathe and change the sheets. It was the last two things that embarrassed dad the most, made him feel like a senile burden. It helped that Kate took always care of the bathing. Over the years, Dad and Kate had developed a strong and warm friendship.

Years ago, Daniel had asked Dad about the story behind the two. Dad had shrugged, taken a sip from his coffee and stared out from the window.

”She was abused,” he had said quietly, ”and I was a mated alpha. I guess she felt safe.”

Daniel hadn’t asked again. It was none of his business, anyway.

Daniel shook his head to focus on the present, and carried the bags to his old room. The bed was unmade, but he took care of it with a couple of practiced moves. They had sleeping bags for the pups (or a bag for the twins, since they would insist on sharing anyway), which meant the bed only needed the bottom sheet. Sandra would sleep with Samuel on a spare mattress on the floor, and Daniel would sleep either on the couch or in his Dad’s room, depending Dad’s condition.

Sandra fed the twins some light supper while Daniel had prepared the room, and they tucked the twins in, despite their furious protests that they were really awake, we mean it papaaa… before they were out.

”Where’s Samuel?” He asked, as they shared a comforting hug before returning to the living room.

”Still draped over Dean,” Sandra rolled her eyes. ”He hasn’t spoken anything, just latched on like he wanted to melt into him or something.”

Daniel nodded. ”That sort of confirms we made the right decision.”

Sandra hugged him closer. ”I’m still not sure,” she sighed. ”I mean — I know you know what’s going to happen, but — I’ve never met him, and — he’s, he’s not —”

”He’s not human,” Daniel concluded gently. ”Father would never do anything to harm us.”

Sandra mumbled something into his shirt.

”What?”

”I said: not to you or the pups. You’re related. I’m not.”

Daniel breathed deep. They had been over this several times already, and it always, always ended up in the same argument: Sandra was not related, hence not protected against his father. No matter how Daniel had tried to explain that his father wouldn’t harm her because she was his mate, she stubbornly refused to believe him. Previously, it hadn’t mattered, since the distance between their home and the marsh was so far, but now that they were, in fact, here…

”I don’t know what else to say to you,” he said. ”Fact is that my father is not human, but it’s also a fact that you are part of his family, and he doesn’t hurt his family. Not even when there’s a good reason for it.”

She narrowed her eyes. ”Such as?”

”Them abandoning him when he refused to kill dad and decided to keep me,” Daniel said softly. He shook his head when she opened he mouth to ask more. ”No, that’s not a story for here and now. Besides, I’m starving.”

He had every intention to head for the kitchen to prepare some late snack before going to bed, but, with a cocked eyebrow Sandra steered him towards the couch. Samuel had, in fact, fallen asleep on his granddad, and even though Dad didn’t say anything, Daniel knew the position was painful for him.

”Hey,” Daniel shook Samuel gently. ”Why don’t you go and grab something to eat and then go to bed? I’ll take care of granddad for you.”

His son appraised him with bleary eyes. ”Promise?”

”Cross my heart,” Daniel solemnly answered. ”Now, off you go. Mom’s making you supper.”

Samuel smacked a kiss on his granddad’s cheek and then padded over to Sandra. Daniel let his mind brush over Samuel’s and was relieved to find it calm. He steeled himself and turned his attention to his dad.

”Have you eaten anything today?”

”Yeah. Some soup.”

”Anything else?”

”No,” Dad sighed. ”I had to lie down after I’d lit the lanterns, and couldn’t get up anymore.” His voice was low and hoarse, with stilted syllables and muddled words, frustration lacing heavily over everything.

”So the rigidity has gotten worse?”

”Obviously,” Dad snapped.

”Okay,” Daniel answered mildly. ”Do you want me to help you sit up?”

”No.” It was almost a snarl.

Right. ”Do you need me to help you sit up?”

”Yes.” That was a snarl.

Daniel bent to help Dad sit up, guiding him to use the anatomically correct trajectories, like the doctor instructed. Dad was significantly more spastic than before, but Daniel wasn’t sure if it was a progression of his symptoms or because of him lying on the couch. For a moment, Daniel couldn’t help but to stare at the violently shaking hands. He realized his blunder when he finally dragged his eyes at Dad’s face, blushed and turned aside in shame.

”Dad –”

”My meds, Daniel, thanks.”

Daniel sighed as he got up and went to the kitchen to get Dad the extra pill meant for shaking fits like this. Sandra and Samuel sat at the table, the pup half asleep munching his sandwich while Sandra gently stroked his hair. Daniel picked up the medicine bottle from the corner of the counter, shook out a pill, poured a glass of orange juice, and went back to dad. He didn’t comment about the shaking, but closed his hand over Dad’s and helped him drown the pill along the juice.

”I’m so tired of this.” Dad sighed quietly and leaned on his shoulder.

”I know, Dad.”

For some reason, Parkinson’s disease hits male alphas hardest. It’s common enough through the whole population, but alpha males are prone to the aggressively progressing form. The disease is treatable, but cannot be cured or stopped.

Like Dad had predicted, Uncle Sam dove into researching a way to cure his big brother. It didn’t matter that he had been mated with Jess for several decades already, that he had five pups and a couple of grandpups, and was the major shareholder of a successful law firm. He was eternally the little brother, and the reality of his big brother slowly dying was killing him.

Dad had reluctantly agreed to try some experimental drugs, if he could take them at home. They had been able to stall the progress for some time but, slowly but steadily, the symptoms progressed, and there was nothing they could do about it.

A year after the diagnosis, Dad and Uncle Sam had had a huge fight over the treatments. Uncle Sam had tried to force dad into a medical research center for a gene-therapy based treatment that was developmental at best. The argument had spiraled into a screaming contest, but in the end Dad had gone stone cold silent and ended the call with jerky movements, like a puppet moved around by delicate, fraying strings. Daniel had never seen Dad like that, and he fervently hoped he never would have to again. It was like something had broken inside Dad.

It had taken Daniel three months to dig out the information, but when he had found out what had happened, he had been furious.

”What the hell were you thinking, Uncle Sam?”

”Oh, don’t you start with that, not you too.” Uncle Sam’s voice had been tired over the phone. He hadn’t even tried to pretend he didn’t know what Daniel was talking about.

”You said that Dad imagined my father. How dare you?”

”Daniel – ”

”No, you listen to me, Uncle Sam. How the fuck can you say that to my dad, your own brother? Now, of all times? What the fuck were you thinking!”

”He refused to even consider the treatment. He’s just waiting to die and I can’t let him!”

”It’s not your call,” Daniel growled. ”He’s not so far gone. He can still make this decision.”

Uncle Sam had sighed. ”Daniel, listen –”

”No, you listen,” he had interrupted. ”This is not your fight. Dad is free to make his own decisions, and, whatever he decides, I’ll back him.”

”But it’s a stupid decision and –”

”You are not his next of kin,” Daniel had said quietly, using the low punch.

”What?” Somehow, Uncle Sam’s voice had sounded very young.

”You are not his next of kin,” he had repeated. ”You have no say. Goodbye, uncle Sam.” He had ended the call with a sinking heart, knowing that something had been changed forever.

Ever since Dad’s condition had started to deteriorate, Daniel always slept lightly when he was over. This trip was no exception: the moment the muttering and hoarse snarls started, he was awake and already on the move. He was no way prepared for the scene in dad’s bedroom.

”Why are you here?” Dad sat stiffly up on his bed, staring at the wall. His hair was mussed and the blankets were pooled around him.

Daniel opened his mouth to state the obvious, but he was cut short when Dad continued.

”You weren’t even invited! Daniel, his mate, and his pups are family, but you made your point clear a long time ago, Sam.”

Daniel snapped his mouth shut. Shit.

”Yeah, yeah. You were concerned, I know. But did it ever occur to you to ask what I wanted?”

Daniel forced his breathing to even out.

”I know you only want what’s best for me, Sam. But how the fuck could you think that denying my mate was best for me? To claim that I had imagined him; imagined our mating year after year after year? Did you know that, by now, he’s come to me 38 times? Thirty-fucking-eight, dude. And out of those times, he bared his neck to me 37 times.” Dad shook his head in wonder, little jerky moves. ”He chose me, Sam. Me. For 37 times.”

Daniel blinked rapidly at the raw emotion in Dad’s voice.

”So don’t you fucking dare question his existence.”

There was nothing but silence for a while, and then Dad deflated.

”Who were you talking to?” Daniel asked softly.

Dad sniffed. ”Sam.”

”You realize he’s not really here?” He kept his voice gentle.

Dad tensed, then turned his head a little towards the doorway. ”Yeah.”

Daniel nodded. ”Okay.” That was good – at least dad was able to distinguish hallucinations from reality. He walked slowly to the bed, sat beside Dad, and took Dad’s hand.

”How long?”

”Since summer.”

Daniel nodded slowly several times. ”That’s –”

”When I started to plan this,” Dad finished for him.

Daniel nodded again. ”Okay.”

They sat silently in the dark bedroom for a long moment, both lost in their thoughts.

”I think you should call him.”

”Daniel –”

”No, I mean it, Dad. He calls me every week and to ask how you’re holding up. He tells me little stories about you: how you used to play your tapes in Baby, how you argued over the best brand of sausages, how you made sure he was okay even when he wasn’t. He’s trying to say goodbye, but he can’t do it through me. Actually –,” Daniel stood up, ”– we’re calling him now.”

”What?”

”Yeah. It’s already morning in his time zone, so we’re doing this now.”

He went to the living room to get his phone, dialing the number on his way back to Dad. It rang only once.

”Daniel? Is everything alright? Is Dean –”

”Dad’s fine, Uncle Sam. In fact, he wants to speak with you. Hold on a sec, I’ll put you on speaker.”

”Daniel, for fuck’s sake! What are you doing?” Dad hissed, but Daniel pretended he didn’t hear him.

”Okay, speaker’s on!”

There was a moment of awkward silence, then a hesitant ”Dean?”

”Yeah.”

”Oh God, it’s you!” It came out as a sob. ”How are you?”

”Shaky,” Dad answered tartly, and then froze and turned panicked eyes on Daniel.

Over the line, Sam burst into a watery laugh. ”Oh fuck you, Dean. Parkinson jokes? Really?”

Dad relaxed and grinned. ”A man’s gotta try, bitch.”

”Keep on trying, jerk. Your jokes were always crap.”

”Fuck you! I’m hilarious!”

Daniel smiled. He waved at dad and mouthed a silent ”I’ll be outside,” waiting for an affirmative nod before exiting the bedroom. He went to the kitchen and boiled water to make chamomile tea. While the tea brewed, he rummaged the cupboards to find the light sedatives to help dad sleep.

He had almost finished his tea when he heard Dad call out for him. He took Dad’s cup and the sedative and went to the bedroom.

”Sam wants to talk to you, too.” Dad was shaking again, but the tension was gone, and, despite his red-rimmed eyes, he seemed content.

”Sure. But first, your pill.”

Dad frowned. ”I don’t need –”

”Yeah, you do. Chop chop.”

He helped Dad take the pill and drink the tepid tea, then tucked him in.

”Try to get some sleep, okay? I’ll be outside if you need me.” He picked up the phone and switched the speaker off as he walked out.

”Sorry you had to wait.”

”It’s okay. It was nice listening to you.”

Daniel snorted. ”Nice isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind.”

”Nah, you know what I mean.” A pause. ”How is he, really?”

”Worse,” Daniel sighed. ”He’s way more spastic than before, he has serious difficulties getting up by himself, he’s shaking so much that it makes eating almost impossible, and he’s irritable. Plus, he’s hallucinating.”

”Shit.”

”I figure he didn’t tell you that?”

”No. That’s bad.”

”Yeah. I wouldn’t know either, but I walked in on him having a fight with you. At least he realizes he’s hallucinating.”

”What — what were we fighting about?”

”Father.”

”Ah. Right…”

Daniel rubbed his face. ”Yeah.”

”So, what now?” Uncle Sam asked, after a moment of silence.

”Did Dad tell you why we’re here?” Daniel asked carefully.

”Um. No. We had a general catch-up about pups, grandpups, and the joys of retirement. Why?”

Daniel didn’t respond, too busy thinking about what to say.

”Daniel? What’s going on? Do I need to be there? I can be there tomorrow, if you need me.”

”No, no. Don’t come. If Dad didn’t ask you, he doesn’t want you here.”

”Want me there? For what?”

Daniel winced and waited for his uncle to connect the dots.

”Daniel, is he going to kill himself?”

He sighed. ”No. He’s asking Father.”

After Dad had read about the progression of his illness, he refused to read it again. He had flatly stated that he didn’t need to keep notes of his impending deterioration, fuck you very much, he could well pinpoint the changes as they happened. And after Daniel had read the info, he didn’t blame Dad. Because, honestly? It was depressing as fuck.

The malfunction and death of neurons that control movement and coordination will, over time, leave a person unable to control their movement normally. And when Daniel had thought about it, the primary symptoms (tremor, bradykinesia, rigidity and postural instability) were already there. Dad had downplayed his symptoms the best he could, fearing vulnerability and depending on others more than anything. As long as his response to the medication had been satisfactory, he had continued working, continued exercising, continued planning the renovations needed in the house for him to be able to keep on living alone.

That, actually, was the main concern of his attending doctor. Dad lived alone, mated-but-not-exactly, with his living relatives too far away to help in case of a possible emergency. Sam had offered to move in with Dad, and the aftermath of that particular discussion had been somewhere between hilarious and do-we-need-to-call-the-police? bad. Daniel had had a long and serious discussion with Sandra, but in the end it had been Dad and, surprisingly enough, the people of Dunsmuir who had made the decision. A small but undeniably effective ring of volunteer caretakers had been assembled, and dad had been, once again, struck dumb by the practical show of affection the Dunsmuiners showed him.

When Dad had called him in summer and told him that the had made his decision, Daniel hadn’t been surprised. Dad would’ve never submitted himself to full-time care, unable to control his body or his mind, waiting for to die slowly, most likely of aspiration pneumonia. Daniel had suspected that Father had been the main reason behind Dad’s decision. He would only learn later that the hallucinations had been the final straw.

”I refuse. I fucking refuse, Daniel,” Dad had rambled on the phone. ”I won’t let myself revert to a fucking veggie, lying on the bed with diapers on and watch bugs crawl on the wall as I wait for some nurse to come and turn me to my other side.”

”But dad, it might not happen for a long time yet.”

”Yeah. I might just die of pneumonia before that, because I’ll start to aspirate food as soon as my throat stops obeying me.”

”Dad —”

”I can’t even get it up anymore,” Dad had muttered.

”What?” Daniel had fervently hoped he had heard wrong, but, no.

”You heard me. I barely survived your father’s last heat. I won’t manage it again, not like this.”

”Okay,” he had answered slowly. ”What are your plans?”

Dad had taken a deep breath. ”I’m letting your father take me.”

Daniel had been momentarily at a loss of words. ”It makes sense,” he had finally said.

It had made a lot of sense, really. Originally, Dad had met Father at the marsh, where Father had lured Dad with the intention of devouring him. But fate had had other things in mind, and they had ended up mated and parents instead. Ever since that October, they had belonged to and with each other. Dad letting Father take his life would close the circle.

But it didn’t make it any easier.

”Do you really think so?” Dad’s voice had been shaky with relief.

”Yeah, I really think so,” he had sighed. ”But Dad, I have to be honest. No matter how much I believe this is the right and the only way for you to go, it still hurts like hell.”

”I know.”

They had been silent for a moment. Then dad had cleared his throat.

”I’d like you to be here, when — I mean, I’d like your family to meet him.”

Daniel had gaped at the phone.

”Daniel?”

”Yeah, I’m here. I — okay, I didn’t see that one coming.”

”Managed to finally silence you, did I?”

”Oh shut up, old man. Yeah, we’ll be there. I need to talk with Sandra and the pups and prepare them a bit, but we’ll be there.” He had bitten his lip. ”What about –”

”No.”

Daniel had sighed. Dad hadn’t spoken with Uncle Sam after their massive fight over Father, but Daniel had hoped they would reconcile soon enough. So, he hadn’t pressed Dad or told him that Uncle Sam called him weekly; too stubborn to take the first step, but still loving his big brother too much to stop caring.

Morning greeted him with weak sunlight. After his nightly adventures Daniel felt massively hungover, but he could only imagine how Dad felt. The twins were already up, their chatter drifting from the kitchen in a bubbling jargon. He sighed, rubbed his face and sat up on the couch.

”Long night?” Sandra asked, passing him a cup of coffee.

Daniel huffed and shook his head, accepting the cup. ”Is Dad still asleep?”

”Yes. Samuel went to check in on him a while ago, but he hasn’t come back. He’s probably sleeping on him again.”

Daniel grinned and took a sip from his coffee.

From the moment they first met, Samuel had a special relationship with Dad. The pup had been four months old when Dad held him for the first time. Samuel had reached out his hand, held it against his granddad’s cheek and stared at him with unblinking eyes before falling asleep. Dad had been speechless, cradling the pup in his arms for hours like he was the most precious thing in the world. Ever since, every time they had met, Samuel promptly crawled, staggered, and finally ran into Dad’s lap and stayed there until it was time to leave.

This time, leaving would be more difficult than ever.

Daniel finished his coffee in a couple of gulps, but kept holding the cup, just to have something in his hands to distract him.

”Dad’s hallucinating.” He ignored Sandra’s small gasp. ”He knows it. He can still differentiate between reality and hallucination.” The unsaid 'for now' hung between them. ”I woke up last night to Dad talking to an imaginary Sam. Afterwards I made him talk to Uncle Sam. The real Uncle Sam.”

”How did it go?”

”Good, I guess.” He rubbed his face. ”I wasn’t in the room, but he didn’t yell. I gave him some light sedative and tucked him in, and then had a talk with Uncle Sam.”

”Sedative? Oh, that might explain why he’s still out.”

Daniel shrugged. ”Yeah, that and the talk. It was the first time for a long, long time.” He got up, stretched, and winced at the pops in his joints. ”I’m too old to sleep on couches anymore,” he muttered.

Sandra rolled her eyes. ”You’re 42, hardly decrepit. Get to the kitchen, you have two little monsters waiting for you.”

He saluted her and grinned at her expression, before walking into the kitchen to check in on his offspring. The twins spent their unobserved time effectively, creating an elaborate mess on the kitchen table. There was an epic battle going on between the juice carton, cereal bowls and a peeling knife, and it seemed like rice noodles were not sure which side they were on. He sighed and started cleaning up the mess, despite the loud objections from the two generals.

”Okay, you fiends, off you go. Get dressed, we’re heading out.”

The twins slouched off, complaining loudly in their own language and purposefully bumping into Samuel on their way to Daniel’s old bedroom. Daniel glanced at older son and made him breakfast without asking. When the pup had eaten and was draining the last of his orange juice, Daniel cocked his head.

”How’s Granddad?”

Samuel frowned, pondering his answer, like he always did. ”Better, I think. He’s lighter, not so muddled as yesterday.”

Daniel nodded. ”Good. I think we’re heading out for a walk. You wanna come?”

”Can we take Granddad?”

”If he feels like it. He didn’t get much sleep last night, so he might be too tired to walk.”

Samuel pursed his lips and gave Daniel a level look. ”I think it might do him good. It might make the grey go away so there would be more room for the sky.”

Daniel blinked. He had always known that Samuel’s abilities weren’t like his own, veering more towards empathy than telepathy. But every time the pup described things he picked out of others, it left Daniel speechless. Although he couldn’t deny that the descriptions were usually spot-on.

”Okay,” he said. ”It’s time for his meds anyway, so I’ll go and take them to him and ask if he wants to come with us. And you’re right, it might do him good.” He smiled.

It took time to get Dad out of bed, help him eat and relieve himself. Daniel’s heart ached for the rigid, slow man his dad had become. He schooled his features, because he knew that if there was something Dad hated more than feeling vulnerable, it was being pitied.

The walk wasn’t a long one, just up the gravel road (after all these decades, the marshland still was pretty much an abandoned area) and then back. They stopped at times to catch their breath or to herd the twins out from the ditch, from the marsh, or from a tree. Before they turned back, Daniel let his eyes close and drew a deep breath, savoring the familiar scents around him. He let his consciousness expand freely outwards, and wasn’t a bit surprised to encounter what he constantly missed. He basked in the welcoming warmth and let an idea take form.

”Papa? You’re glowing,” Samuel said quietly beside him.

He looked at his pup, smiled, and reached out his hand. ”Come here. Close your eyes and reach out. Don’t be afraid, he knows who you are.”

Samuel blinked and closed his eyes hesitantly, but Daniel could feel the moment he opened up. Everything was silent for a moment, then Samuel let out a breath and sagged against him. He picked the pup up, the gangly eight-year-old hugging him tight.

”Are you alright?”

Samuel shuddered a little, but nodded against his shoulder. ”He’s so bright, papa. So bright!”

He smiled. ”He’s bright because he’s happy that we’re finally here. Come on, let’s go back.”

Daniel lowered his pup down and went to help Dad up from the log he had been sitting on. He hooked his arm around Dad’s and they started their slow walk back to the house.

”Father knows we’re here,” Daniel said after a moment. He hesitated for a second. ”I introduced Samuel.”

Dad stopped and looked sharply at him. ”Is he okay?”

”A bit shaken, but otherwise he’s fine. I figured it would be easier for him to interact with Father a bit before they met in person. And I can tell Father was very pleased.”

”Yeah, I bet,” dad snorted, but his lips turned into a soft smile.

The walk back took longer, mostly because Dad started to tire, but also because the twins decided to build a fort behind the fallen trees and tried to burrow under the turf to avoid getting back. Sandra finally managed to get them moving by threatening to withhold the dessert pie, which immediately perked Dad’s interest.

”We have pie? Stay there, you rascals, more pie for me!” Dad cried. ”I’ll fight you! You’ll never get the pie from me!”

The twins collapsed in hysterical giggles before they surged forward, singsonging that Granddad wouldn’t get any pie if he didn’t hurry up. The rest of the journey went with the twins and Dad shouting insults at each other, Samuel rolling his eyes (because the twins were so childish), and Sandra trying to hide her smile.

Daniel grinned and hugged Dad a bit more tightly than was necessary to support him. It was nice to hear Dad laugh.

After Dad’s phone call, it hadn’t taken long for Sandra to realize that something was bothering him.

”What’s up with your dad?” She had asked in the middle of preparing dinner.

He had narrowed his eyes. ”You know, sometimes it feels like you’re the one with the telepathic ability, not me.”

”Yes, I love you too,” she had quipped before making him peel potatoes while she had chopped the vegetables.

The repetitive motions had eased his mind, and at the end of the fourth potato, he had sighed. ”Dad’s made his decision. He wants us there.”

”Oh.”

”In October.”

Sandra had lowered her knife slowly. ”Oh,” she had said softly and blinked.

Years back, when they had gotten serious with each other, Daniel had told Sandra about his background: that his father wasn’t human and that he himself possessed telepathic abilities. It had freaked her out royally and they had been apart for almost a year. In the end she had come to accept his history.

The next nervous breakdown had been when they had realized that their firstborn had inherited Daniel’s abilities. They had briefly discussed the possibility, but they hadn’t really believed it would happen. Sandra had been shaken to the core, to the point where she had sat beside the pup’s crib, stared at Samuel and asked aloud, how something so small and beautiful could be a monster. It had taken all Daniel’s willpower not to ask if Sandra thought Daniel too was a monster.

Later, when Samuel was a crawling and babbling toddler, Sandra had cried against Daniel’s chest about her unworthiness as a mother, blaming herself over and over again for the things she had said. It was one of the occasions when Daniel’s abilities were fully useful: he had been able to check Samuel’s mind and confidently to declared that the pup hadn’t received any sort of mental trauma.

After that, the language the twins had cooked up had been a walk in the park.

Daniel had explained to Sandra that his Father was able to take human form only once a year, during the New moon in October. During that time, he always left Dad alone with Father. When Dad had turned fifty, Sandra had raised her eyebrows when Daniel still refused to travel to the marsh in October.

”Don’t you think it’s a bit hopeful to stay away still? I mean, your dad’s fifty. Do you really think your father is still going into heat every October?”

He had looked at her a long time, before asking slowly and deliberately, ”You mean that a fifty-year old is too old to have an active sex life? Honey, I don’t even know how old my father is,” he had reminded gently. ”Besides, Dad says he looks the same every year, which means that he’ll probably be going into heat forever. So, until Dad wishes otherwise, I’m staying the hell out of the marsh during the October New Moon.”

Considering their previous discussions about being at his dad’s in October, it wasn’t a surprise that Sandra had been stunned when Daniel told her about Dad’s invitation.

”Your dad asked us to be present when your father takes human form and goes into heat?”

He had shaken his head. ”No. Or, well, yes.”

Sandra had raised her eyebrows, but had said nothing.

”Dad’s condition has worsened,” Daniel had sighed. ”He wants to go.”

”He wants to die?”

”I’m not sure what’s going to happen, exactly. I know that Father was supposed to kill him the day they met, but he decided to mate Dad instead.”

”Wow,” she had said flatly. ”True romance.”

”Oh, but it is. Ever since I moved in with Dad, Father has come and offered his neck to him. Year after year. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is,” he said.

He and Sandra were both betas, and, therefore, weren’t partial to the heat and rut cycles of the two other secondary genders. Sandra had always been more oblivious than him, mainly because of his telepathy. It was hard to stay ignorant when you could practically hear the mating cycle take hold.

”Anyway,” he had continued. ”He wants us there. Dad wants us to meet him.” He had paused. ”He wants to say goodbye.”

When they got back to the house, Dad was exhausted. While the pups ate, Daniel assisted Dad to the toilet, fed him his meds and some casserole they brought with them, then nearly carried him to bed.

”Daniel, for fff…udge’s sake! I’m 73, I can actually walk,” Dad growled, flushed with embarrassment.

”You’re also a stubborn old fart who refuses to accept help, even when it’s sorely needed,” he answered calmly, ignoring the giggles and papa said ’fart!’ from the couch. Dad continued grumbling, but agreed to be manhandled to bed and tucked in. When Daniel turned around, he was face to face with Samuel.

”I think you should let granddad get some rest,” he said gently.

Samuel’s face fell.

”Come here, pup,” Dad muttered, patting the spot beside him. ”Nevermind your papa, he’s a spoilsport.”

Samuel practically jumped on the bed and curled up almost on top of his granddad, but Daniel noticed how careful he was with his limbs. He suppressed a smile.

”Shoo,” Dad mumbled, and Daniel raised his hands.

”I’m going! Geez.” He glanced at Samuel and let his mind brush over his, just to let Samuel know he was listening, if they needed something and closed the door after him.

The twins were hyper from the long drive yesterday and their epic ditch adventures, and, after they ate lunch, Sandra forced them to take a nap. The pups argued with the conviction that only five-year-olds could muster, before they passed out mid-sentence.

When Sandra trudged into the kitchen, Daniel had a plate of casserole ready for her. They sat in silence, enjoying a rare moment of peace and quiet.

”Are you sure it’s safe for him to be there?”

”Yes. Dad’s hallucinating, but he hasn’t shown any kind of aggression, and I honestly don’t think he would take it out on a pup. And, if it for some reason did occur, Samuel would sense it in time.”

She nodded, trusting his opinion.

”I introduced him to Father.”

”Ah. I wondered about what happened there. How did it go?”

”Samuel was a bit overwhelmed, which isn’t surprising. He’s only met my mind, and I’m nothing compared to father. He said that Father was bright.”

”And your father?”

”He’s happy that we’re finally here. That he gets to meet us, all of us.”

Sandra tensed, but nodded. ”Okay.”

They finished their lunch in silence and retreated to the couch. Daniel built a fire to the fireplace in the living room and they snuggled together, staring into the flames.

”How long do we have?” Sandra asked after a moment, her voice low and hesitant.

”I’m not sure,” he said rubbing her knee absently. ”Maybe a couple of days. Father might take the form a bit early, this time.”

”So, how should we prepare? Should I – I don’t know, bake something?”

He smiled and pecked a kiss on her lips. ”No. Father doesn’t need to eat, although he likes chocolate. And I don’t think we need to prepare in any way. Dad and I, and probably Samuel too, will sense Father’s presence when he takes the form. He’ll come here.”

”Oh, good,” Sandra breathed. ”I was worried we would have to go there.”

”No, we don’t have to,” he huffed a laugh and hugged her closer. ”They will go alone.”

Sandra hugged him and rested her head on his shoulder. They stared into the flames until only embers remained.

The next couple of days were pretty much the same: a slow walk outside, then Dad took a nap while Samuel read a book beside him, and Sandra forced the rebellious twins to lie down and keep quiet for a while. It was oddly calm and pleasant, but Daniel knew it wouldn’t last.

During their second day, Dad’s phone chimed. It was Uncle Sam. Dad was taking his nap, so Daniel answered.

”Um. Hi, Daniel. Is Dean okay?”

”Yeah, Dad’s fine. He’s taking a nap. We were out walking, and he’s pretty beat.” He walked to take a peek in the bedroom.

”Oh.” There was a pause. ”I hoped… I’m consulting in a big case and I’ll be out of touch for a while. I just…”

”Is it Sam?” Dad hadn’t opened his eyes, but his frame was tense.

”Yeah, it’s him.”

On the other end of the line, Sam fell silent.

Dad poked Samuel on his side. ”Samuel? I need you to take off for a while. I need to take this call, and you can’t be here, pup. Adult business.”

The pup cocked his head at his granddad and then looked at Daniel. ”Okay.” He nodded and hopped off from the bed. ”Can I come back later?”

”To smother me in my sleep? Sure.” Dad grinned. He waited until Samuel left, and then the grin fell from his face. ”Put him on speaker.”

”Hi Dean.”

Dad sighed. ”Sam. I know why you’re calling.”

”Do you?”

”Yeah, but it doesn’t change anything.”

The line was silent for a moment. ”You mean that I can’t say goodbye to my own brother?”

”What?”

”Dean, you always were a bit slow,” Sam sighed, but his tone was gentle. ”I can’t say that I didn’t wish there was another way, but… Like a wise man told me a couple of years back, it’s not my call.”

Dad raised a brow and Daniel gave him his most innocent face. ”Yeah. I wonder who,” Dad commented dryly.

They sat, silent, for a short while. Then Sam cleared his throat. ”I need to say something, and I need you to shut up and listen. Okay?” He waited for the affirmative okay, before he continued.

”I’m sorry. I’m sorry I tried to push you, to make you bend to my will, to know your life better than you do. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. And I’m so fucking sorry about everything I said about Castiel, I really am. I was afraid for you and I forgot to trust you. I’m sorry –”

His voice broke, and Daniel could hear his ragged breathing through the speaker. He glanced at Dad, who was blinking furiously, and sat on the bed beside him, clasping his shoulder in silent support.

”I’m sorry we lost time – no, I lost time. With you. You needed me and I let you down because I thought I knew better. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I’m not there – that I won’t ever meet your mate. Although I can only blame myself for that.

”So, that’s pretty much everything, I guess. I’m happy that Daniel and his family are there with you. I only wish –”

There was some commotion on the background, and rustling as Sam covered the phone to comment on something.

”Dean? I’m really sorry, but I need to go, something came up.”

”Yeah,” Dad said hoarsely.

”Safe journey, big brother. I love you.”

Dad gave a strangled sob. ”Back at you, squirt. Goodbye.”

After the phone call, Dad slept most of the day. Samuel kept a stubborn vigil beside him, even though both Daniel and Sandra tried to remind him that Granddad wasn’t going anywhere. Not yet, anyway. But Samuel set his jaw and burrowed into his granddad’s side, squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to acknowledge his parents. Daniel shrugged and let him be.

All in all, it was a slow, sleepy day for all of them.

At some point, Dad had apologized to Daniel for being a crappy dad. He hadn’t understood it back then, and had scoffed Dad for being an idiot. But now with pups of his own, Daniel finally got it: No matter how you tried, no matter how much you loved your pups, you’ll still end up thinking you made some horrible mistakes to scar them for good or screw them up so badly that they would spend years in therapy, cursing your name. It didn’t matter that Daniel rolled his eyes at Dad for saying such things, because when Daniel sat on the floor, staring at his sleeping pups, he fervently hoped he’d be a good enough parent for them.

Being a parent, it seemed, meant constant worry, heartache, second-guessing and stress-levels so high that, had parenting been a regular job, it would’ve been banned a long time ago.

But then there were the times, when Samuel forgot his lunch and babbled about something he had come up with, a math exam well done or a book he had read. Or when the twins charged in, covered in soot and leaves, and proclaimed themselves the Alphas of the Universe, daring the Evil Queen, also known as mom, to take their swords away. Or when one of the pups found an injured sparrow on their yard and nursed it back to health. Or when one of the pups snuck into their bed at night, burrowed into his side and stuck its cold feet against his. Or…

Parenting, it seemed, was a walking book of clichés.

The tension that came over Dad couple of days later was a different kind of rigidity. Daniel recognized it immediately.

”It’s nearing, isn’t it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side the way Dad always said reminded him of Father.

”Yeah,” Dad grumbled. He was growing irritable, but in a way that had nothing to do with his illness. ”Won’t be long now.”

Daniel nodded.

Dad clenched and unclenched his hands several times, before he stilled them on his knees, palms flat. ”I think it’s time to talk to the pups.”

Daniel nodded again. ”Is it okay if I record everything?”

”Yeah, I guess. You have prepped the pups on secondary genders, right?”

”Yes, but I think you should dumb it down a little. Just to make sure.”

”Okay.” Dad was silent for a moment. ”Tonight?”

He smiled. ”Tonight.”

He left Dad to get his rest and went to inform Sandra. They had a late lunch, lit the fireplace and made a big pot of tea. When everything was ready, Daniel went to get Dad, helped him sit on the couch, and gathered a throw around him.

”Are you building a nest for me, pup?” Dad drawled with an amused smile.

Daniel rolled his eyes and dumped another throw on his lap. Samuel burrowed himself as near his granddad as possible, and the twins piled on his other side.

”So…” Dad started, a bit uncertainly, and glanced at Daniel.

”Okay, pups,” Daniel started. ”Remember when me and mom told you about the two primary and three secondary genders?”

The pups blinked and nodded.

”You, mom, Uncle Sam, and Aunt Jess are betas,” Samuel stated. ”And granddad’s an alpha, like cousins Kev, Thomas, and Emma. And cousins Jasper and Joan are omegas.”

”All alphas and omegas for pups. Served Sam right,” Dad muttered under his breath, and Daniel hid a grin.

”You’ve pestered me about how Granddad and Grandfather met, and that’s why we’re here. Granddad wants to tell you a story – on one condition,” Daniel raised an expectant brow.

”We stay still and be quiet!”

Dad snorted a laugh. ”You’ve trained them well.”

Daniel rolled his eyes affectionately. ”Yeah, if only…”

”So. It was a dark and stormy night,” Dad started with a dramatic voice. ”No, it was!” Dad gave an indignant huff, but grinned at the giggling pups. ”It was raining so hard that I could barely see to drive. I was pis— mad at my brother, which was why I drove all the way down here. For some reason that had nothing to do with me, of course, my car ended up in a ditch. There I was, lost on a gravel road beside a marsh. Then I saw this flickering blue flame…”

Daniel smiled, checked that the voice recorder was recording properly, and leaned back against the chair Sandra was sitting on. He had heard this tale before (although as an explicit version), and had no need to pay attention. He studied Dad instead: his frame and posture, the fleeting expressions on his face, the rise and fall of his voice, the way his eyes shone when he talked about Father. Dad had always been a great storyteller, and now, at the eve of his life, he got the chance to tell the greatest story of his life, to the most important audience he ever had.

The next morning, Daniel felt it the moment it happened. He looked at Dad, who had frozen in the middle of his breakfast and turned his eyes slowly to meet Daniel’s. Dad lowered his spoon back to his bowl, took a sip of his coffee, and exhaled.

”Papa? Papa!”

”It’s okay, Samuel. Take a deep breath and relax. It’s him.”

”He’s so bright and powerful. He’s like — like a sun!” Samuel’s eyes were wide and wild. Daniel acted out of instinct and covered Samuel’s mind with his own, blanketing and shielding it.

Sandra cleared the remains of their breakfast while Daniel helped Dad to the couch. The twins were couldn’t sense Father’s arrival, but they picked up the tension and fidgeted. Samuel burrowed under his granddad’s arm, clutching his hand. Dad turned stiffly and pressed a kiss on the top of the pup’s head, murmuring something Daniel didn’t hear.

They hadn’t actually talked about how things would proceed. Daniel only knew that after Father took human form, he would make his way to the house and — well, that was it. There would probably be some kind of introductions, but most likely Father would just take Dad and they would be on their way.

Of course, it was natural for parents to die before their pups, but Daniel had never really thought about it. Dad always seemed so stubbornly vibrant and full of life, defying death by sheer force of will — until now. But then, this was very much like Dad too: giving death a finger, refusing to go by anyone else’s terms but his own. Dad was a man who had decided his own life; now, he would decide his own death.

They didn’t have to wait long. Daniel felt Father long before he reached the house, and he opened the door for him. A lithe man of undetermined age, with a mop of messy, dark hair and a thin tunic stood at the door. None of it looked familiar, because he had never seen his father’s human form before. He didn’t need it, though, because Father bled through the seams and his eyes were the burning blue Daniel remembered from decades back. Father smiled and reached out.

— hello daniel —

”Hello, Father. It’s been a while.” He spoke aloud for the benefit of others. He knew Father would understand.

Father stepped forward, took Daniel’s face between his hands and pressed their foreheads together. Daniel went completely still and relaxed, drowning in the presence of his father, the connection he had been missing for so long. He lost his sense of time and place, suspended in the blue light of his father’s mind, as they shared a lifetime of memories and experiences.

Daniel swayed slightly when Father stepped away. His surroundings suddenly felt cold and grey, although he knew nothing had changed. He blinked several times to clear his vision, and turned to see what was happening.

Father stood in front of terrified Sandra, but he was turned sideways, waiting for Daniel to regain his bearings, tilting his slightly.

— contact? —

”Father would like to touch you, honey. Is it okay?” He asked. Sandra blanched. ”You can decline, of course, but it would mean a lot to him.”

She regarded Father for a moment, then nodded. Father inclined his head as a thank you, then reached out his hand, and gently touched Sandra’s forehead with two fingers. The contact was ended almost instantly, but it left her visibly shaken. She reached out blindly, and Daniel hugged her close.

”Thank you,” he whispered into her ear. Sandra nodded once, a jerky move.

With Sandra and Daniel’s permission, father repeated the gentle touch with the twins, who stared at him in silent, wide-eyed amazement. Daniel was surprised they didn’t start to cry.

Then father turned towards the couch, and stopped.

Daniel felt Samuel’s trepidation, but he was distracted by the look on his parents’ faces. Father’s face was tender, the air around him softly pulsing in caressing waves. Dad looked at Father with all his emotions on display, unable to hide anything. Daniel felt tears in his eyes. He had never seen Dad look like that: completely relaxed, trust and love shining through his eyes. The moment their eyes were locked seemed to stretch, but it was, in fact, over in mere seconds.

Samuel was still under Dad’s arm, staring at Father in defiance. Father knelt down on one knee and reached out his hand to Samuel. The pup looked at Daniel, not sure how to react.

”It’s up to you, Samuel,” Daniel said gently. ”He won’t be offended if you decline.”

Samuel turned his eyes back at Father, pondering his options, and then he slowly, carefully stood up and walked to stand in front of Father. Sandra tensed beside him, but Daniel was already moving to stand behind his son, ready to support him both mentally and physically. If Father was about to reach out with his mind for Samuel, the pup would need all the support Daniel could offer.

It was an utterly gentle and careful contact. Father opened his mind slowly, reaching out with care, and let Samuel make the actual contact with hand and mind. Daniel shielded Samuel, and, because of that, shared a part of their communion. It made him smile. He wasn’t sure if his son would ever have a chance to experience a communion like this, but he was happy Samuel would have at least this: the opportunity to share his mind with his grandfather, a being most people considered a myth.

When Samuel swayed slightly, Father receded from the contact with the utmost care and tilted his head.

— thank you —

Samuel’s eyes went wide, but, before Daniel had the chance to explain, he felt a push and Father’s eyes widened. Daniel felt a surge of amused appreciation from him and grinned. Then Father stood up in one, graceful motion and turned towards Dad.

”Go to mom,” Daniel said softly to Samuel, who seemed a bit dazed.

Father moved in front of Dad, who had a small smile playing on his lips. Dad leaned stiffly forward as Father sank to his knees, cupped Dad’s cheek in his hand, and pressed their foreheads together. It looked similar to what father had shared with Daniel, but Daniel knew that this was completely different. This was intimate and personal, something shared between lovers. Watching his parents immerse themselves in each other, he felt like an intruder. It didn’t stop him from taking a picture to remember them by, though.

After what seemed like an eternity, Father rose to his feet and helped Dad up. Dad was stiff and shaky, but Father treated him with utmost tenderness. Daniel felt something clench in his chest at the way Dad leaned on Father’s side, completely at ease. The feelings of belonging and home hung heavily in the air, even though Daniel couldn’t scent them with his beta senses.

Samuel let out a muffled sound and hugged Dad tightly. They exchanged words Daniel didn’t hear, but the sad, tense lines of the pup eased a little. Dad hugged the twins, gave Sandra a kiss on her cheek, and turned to face Daniel.

”Take care, son,” Dad said, a smile on his face. He was partially gone already, releasing his hold of this world, moving on to the next one. Daniel stepped up to embrace him, sinking into Dad’s hug one final time, and then rested his forehead against his.

The time to let go came too soon. Daniel knew it was the right thing to do, but he found himself unable to unclench his hand from Dad’s shirt, unable to step back from the door, unable to say the final goodbye. Father gently brushed his cheek to wipe away tears Daniel didn’t know he had shed. He let go of Dad, looked into his eyes and said ”I love you” and ”Goodbye,” and it was everything and nothing. Then his parents took the first step, then the second, and, before Daniel realized, they were gone.

He stood there, blinking hard, trying to grasp that his dad was gone, really gone. And then Sandra was there, and he was crying and crying, and couldn’t stop, even though he knew this was what Dad wanted, that everything went as it was meant to.

”You should go see them off,” Sandra whispered. Daniel nodded.

He stepped out of the door and walked slowly towards the marsh, following footsteps he couldn’t see, but knew were there anyway. He almost reached the edge of the marshland, before he saw a brilliant blue halo. He felt father’s presence surge outwards, then it was joined with another. Daniel stifled a sob.

He forced himself to look at the bright blue halo, watched it slowly dim into a dancing flame. When he saw the green flame join it, intertwining with it, he let out a breath and smiled.

— goodbye —