Smack!
His fist connected with a dull thud, breaking the bone and tissue underneath. His knuckles were already painted red with blood but he hit again and again and again, letting the emptiness inside of him to fill him up, pour out to guide his hand to hit and hit and—
”Dean!”
He jerked awake, tense and ready to spring into action.
”Nightmares again?” Cas asked quietly.
Dean closed his eyes and swallowed. ”Yeah,” he answered. His voice was hoarse like he’d been screaming even though he knew he’d been silent.
He didn’t scream. Not anymore.
”Dean, look at me,” Cas said.
He didn’t want to, but something in Cas’s voice compelled him. He turned his head with his eyes still closed and didn’t open them until he felt Cas’s hand on his cheek.
”It wasn’t your fault.”
Cas did this every freaking night; watched over him as he caught some hours of bad-to-worse rest and woke him up when his nightmares were about to overwhelm him. He had no goddamn clue why Cas wanted to do this, to sit by his side and guard the sleep of someone who had tried to beat him to death.
Cas’s eyes shone with something Dean didn’t dare thinking about and he averted his gaze. A moment later, he felt a soft breath on his cheek when Cas sighed.
”You’re being unreasonably stubborn again,” Cas said bluntly. ”But luckily, I already knew that. I’m going to sit by your side and guard your sleep and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
”Way to be a creep,” Dean muttered but it sounded exhausted even to his own ears. They both knew he would never ask Cas to leave.
He couldn’t hold back a flinch when Cas took his hand. He wasn’t sure what he expected but when Cas did nothing more, he slowly relaxed back against the mattress. Cas’s hand was warm and dry and Dean felt his whole focus narrow on the skin contact.
How could he? How dared Cas to just reach out and touch the same hand that had caused him so much pain? Where did he gather the courage? Didn’t he feel the endless rivers of blood Dean’s hands had unleashed? Didn’t he—
”Try to get some sleep,” Cas interrupted his thoughts and gently squeezed Dean’s hand.
Dean swallowed and gave him a stilted smirk.
It didn’t matter whether he tried to sleep or not.
He knew what was waiting for him when he closed his eyes.
Blood.